Tips for Helping Children Cope with Holiday Stress
For most children the holidays are happy, fun and exciting. Children are on a break from school, and the holidays serve as a time to see friends and relatives and enjoy special food and family traditions. For some children, however, the holidays can be stressful and confusing. When parents are newly divorced, the holidays often remind children of what has changed in their lives. Although things have changed, it is important to make sure that both the children and the parents have peaceful holidays.
For those parenting out of two households, seasonal festivities often send stress levels soaring. But with these useful tips, these stressful situations can be manageable for the children as well as the parents.
- Keep the holidays tension free. Orchestrating a Christmas between split parents can be frustrating. But be mindful that they key to making things work for the children is to have a tension free holiday. If you can reasonably manage your feelings, a holiday together could be meaningful for the children. If not, you will be better having separate celebrations. Just keep in mind that even though you may have personal differences, putting on a tension free front to your children will be for their best interests.
- Keep the children in the loop, and smooth out transitions. Going back and forth between two households during the holidays can be challenging as well as frustrating for children. Many kids will not understand why they are being shuffled between so many people and locations. Keep the children in the know of what is going on and give them a heads up of what’s next. Instead of telling them when it is time to go without notice, inform the children of what the plan is ahead of time. Set time aside to sit down with your children before the holidays begin and map out a schedule for them. The more they know ahead of time, the easier the transition from one family to another will be.
- Don’t focus on “fair”, but what is right for the children. When it comes to scheduling holidays between households, parents can often become overly concerned with conflict or competition with each other and forget how it feels for the children. But parents must remember that what is “fair” for the mother and father may not be what is best for the children. Do your best to stay flexible and make sure to keep your children’s needs at the top of your agenda.
- Holidays present challenges for lots of families. While the holidays can be stressful, keeping the children’s best interest in mind will be the best way to ensure that you and your family have a stress-free holiday. Talk with your children. Ask them what they would like, and do your best to take that into account. By following these tips, you can make sure that you and your children have a successful holiday season.
Talking With Your Children About Divorce
Divorce can be a difficult situation for all parties involved, especially the children. Many children are confused about the situation and do not understand why their parents are separating.
Although this can be difficult, talking with children is a crucial part of the puzzle when you are dealing with a divorce. Parents often put off talking to their children about divorce because they are unsure how to explain such a complex situation. But a delay in talking with your children can actually make the divorce more difficult for the children in the long run.
When children are suddenly surprised with the divorce of their parents, they go through a great deal of emotions. Many feel as if it is their fault that their parents are separating, while many begin acting out and become angry with others. This is another reason why explaining to your children why you and your spouse are divorcing is very important.
To help you make this process easier, here are six strategies for talking with your kids about divorce. While it may seem beyond your capabilities, just remember that there are ways to make it easier on both yourself and your children.
- Talk to your children with your spouse, if possible. If you present a united front to your children, they may not be as confused about the situation.
- Carefully, and appropriately, explain the reasons for the divorce. Make sure whatever you tell your children is appropriate to their age and maturity level.
- Make it clear that the divorce is not the child’s fault. Many children struggle with guilt during their parent’s separation. Be sure to reiterate that this is not their fault.
- Maintain eye contact and a calm attitude. In order for your children to believe the situation, you must remain calm and truthful. If you begin to get angry, the child may become angry and upset as well.
- Avoid blaming your spouse. Although you will have personal issues with your spouse, they are still the child’s parent. Do not put down your spouse to the child. This will only create more stress on the child, making them feel like they should have to pick sides when they should not.
- Allow plenty of time for children to ask questions. They will have many questions as to why this is happening and what is going to happen in the future, and they deserve to have those questions answered to your fullest abilities.
Remember, every family is different. Talking about your divorce with your children can be difficult, but will be a critical step forward in the healing process.
Making Blended Families Work During the Holidays
After going through a divorce or re-marriage, many changes can take place. Making things work for a new blended family does come with tests, but they do not have to be difficult. With the holiday closing in a blended family may run into a few challenges. These challenges can be countless, but they do not have to be terrible.
Below are tips on how to help your blended family work and to ensure a happy holiday season:
• Focus on the children: Be sure to keep your focus on making the holidays pleasant for your children. You do not want your own hatreds or frustrations to be brought up.
• Plan Ahead: Plan your schedule early. Ask each family member to participate in the planning and decision making. This is just another great way to bring the family closer.
• Be patient and communicate: Remember this is something new for not just you but the children as well. Children may not quite understand the choices that were made. Certain feelings of confusion, jealously, insecurity, and more are all something a child can feel in a blended family. This is why it is important to be patient with the child and give them time to adapt.
• Never make the child choose: It is never a good idea to try and compete with your children’s “other” parents. Try to be on the same page about gift giving and other expenses when it comes to the children.
• Blend old traditions with the new traditions: This is important for a blended family. Incorporating old traditions with the new ones can help. This is a way to help bond the family together.
• Share feelings: Allowing everyone to share their feelings can be beneficial. The holidays can sometimes bring up all different emotions. Allow the children to be open and honest with their feelings. Once the feelings are out there, you can help them move past them and focus on the future.
What is Mediation?
When it comes to getting a divorce not everything has to be a knock-down, drawn-out affair for both parties. Divorce mediation can help avoid court and resolve numerous questions. Mediation is one of the most frequently used methods of alternative dispute resolution when it comes to negotiating a divorce settlement.
Here are a few facts about Mediation that will help answer common questions about the process.
What is Mediation? Mediation is used to settle disputes when two parties are unable to agree or settle a disagreement. It is not binding unless an agreement is reached.
What is a mediator? In mediation, several people will be present such as, the parties, their attorneys, and the mediator. A mediator is a neutral party that is specially trained to help the parties create a fair and reasonable divorce agreement. The goal for every mediator is to reach an agreement that both parties are happy with, or that they can at least live with.
What is discussed in Mediation? Several divorce matters are discussed while in mediation. You and your soon to be ex-spouse need to decide more than a few important issues. The most common issues that are discussed are: distribution of property/assets/liabilities, child custody, child support, retirement, taxes, and more.
How long does mediation take? The length of mediation can vary on what issues have to be agreed upon. Also, the length of time spent in mediation can be determined by you and your spouse’s willingness to cooperate and come up with an agreement. Divorce mediation can be completed in as little as a couple of hours to an entire day.
What happens after Mediation? Depending on if both parties have come to an agreement or not will determine what will happen after mediation. In most cases, mediation results in the parties leaving with a written and signed agreement. The agreement will lay out every detail that the parties agreed on. The agreement is then filed in the Court and will be ratified by a Judge.
Social Media Do’s and Don’ts
In the world today there are countless means of communication with others. Thanks to social media websites the world is more connected than ever. Websites such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, Snapchat and more we are able to reconnect with your first love, childhood best friend, or college buddy. Unfortunately, with social media websites people can discover information you did not want them to.
If you are in the process of a divorce, child custody, and/or support case you should be cautious when using social media. You should think of social media activity as both public and permanent. If used properly social media can be entertaining and innocent but, if it is not used correctly it can be damaging to your case.
Here are some helpful tips to think about when using social media while going through a divorce, child custody, and/or support case.
1. DO NOT post pictures or comments revealing a wild, or out of control party lifestyle.
2. DO NOT post negatively about your Ex, your Ex’s family, your Ex’s attorney, or the Judge. Negativity will get you nowhere.
3. DO NOT post pictures of lavish vacations, fancy cars, new motorcycles, or luxury items (especially if child support is an issue).
4. DO NOT post status about your new boyfriend/girlfriend, particularly when your divorce is not finalized.
5. DO NOT post a profile on a dating website.
6. DO be selective about the information you share. Remember to think twice about what you post, even the smallest comments can be used against you in a divorce or custody/support case.
7. DO try and be positive, yet realistic. Posting negative, pessimistic, discouraging things about yourself can only hurt your case in the long run.
8. DO pay close attention to the photos your friends are posting of you or tagging you in. Your page is not the only one that could be monitored.