Preparing for Divorce: Essential Steps

by Jill Chancey | Sep 23, 2024 | Divorce, Family Law, Mobile

Preparing for Divorce: Essential Steps

Consult an Attorney

Do it sooner, rather than later. Don’t wait until you’re at a crisis point. You don’t have to hire one at the consultation, you can get our legal advice and then reach out to hire when you are ready. You don’t even have to be entirely sure you’re ready to divorce, but if you’re considering it, it’s a good idea to be prepared.

In a consultation, you’ll talk about your case, your options, and how our fee structure works. You can ask questions about child support and custody issues, for example. Start making a list of questions to ask your attorney, and bring something to take notes with. You’ll be getting a lot of information quickly, it’s a stressful time in your life, and taking notes will help you remember everything.

Please note that we practice in Mobile County and Baldwin County. If you live elsewhere, you can search the Alabama Bar Association website for attorneys who practice in your area.

Gather your community

It’s a really good idea to find a counselor or therapist for yourself; having someone neutral to help you talk through the process can be beneficial. Some people will attempt marriage counseling when they reach this stage. If it’s an amicable decision, having someone to talk both of you through the process may be helpful. If your situation is high-conflict, putting yourself in the way of more conflict may not be the best idea. Some couples appreciate help negotiating the exit process. If you try it and it feels counter-productive, you don’t have to continue. As with all counselors, your first one may not be a good fit. You can always interview several counselors to find someone you are comfortable with.

There is no shame in getting a divorce; don’t be too embarrassed to let your closest friends or family in, particularly those that you know will be supportive and loving. You don’t have to do this alone. Even if you feel like you made bad choices, or should have known better, or whatever self-blame you might be feeling, those people who love you will be on your side.

Don’t forget self-care. This may sound trite, but you need to take care of your mental and physical health. You may prefer exercise, meditation, knitting, or pickleball. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as it gets you out of your day-to-day and lowers your stress level. Keep those doctors’ appointments and do your best to eat well and get enough sleep.

Financial Preparation

We understand that sometimes one spouse will withhold financial information from the other. Do what you can here, but don’t let a lack of access to financial data stop you from planning. You’ll want to gather basic information from all of your bank accounts and your credit cards – know your account numbers and how to access all of the information. Do you and your spouse have retirement accounts? Those will be important, too. Do you have debts, such as a mortgage, student loans, or a credit card? Be able to lay your hands on those details as well. It’s a good idea to know who exactly is on the deed to your home, and whose names are on the mortgage. You can pull a credit report at this point if you want to be sure you’ve covered all your bases, and you can freeze your personal credit at this point if you feel you need to. You can also get copies of any jointly filed tax returns directly from the IRS if you do not have copies.

Do you and/or your spouse own a business? You’ll want to have information about the value of those businesses, tax returns if you can get them, and who exactly owns them. The more we know about your financial situation, the better we can advise you on your steps moving forward.

Do You Share Children?

Think about what kind of custody agreement will work for you and your children. Who is the primary caregiver? Who takes the children to doctors, school, and sports? Who will make decisions about school, extracurriculars, and religious practices? These are all issues that will need to be considered.

Be aware that permanently moving more than 60 miles away from your home may not be allowed by the court. Except in cases of verified neglect or abuse, both parents are entitled to time with and regular access to their children. We also get a lot of questions about grandparents’ rights to children in divorce cases; these will not be addressed in a divorce agreement.

It’s best to stop drinking and using any recreational drugs altogether while you are going through this process, as these can be used against you in a custody case. Be aware that even legal cannabis products will result in a positive drug test. It is not uncommon for a judge to order a drug and/or alcohol test if the other party requests it. Hair and fingernail tests are the most common types ordered.

Do not discuss your marriage or divorce plans with your children except in the most general terms. Do not say bad things about your spouse to your children. Try to remain neutral, loving, and supportive. This will be difficult, but this is also why you have found a counselor and gathered a supportive community of friends and family. The adults in your life should be your sounding board.

Seek counseling for your children, as this will be a difficult transition. They probably know that all is not well with their parents, and in many cases may be relieved that they don’t have to live with the stress of unhappy parents anymore. As with your own counselor, don’t hesitate to interview a few counselors or therapists until you find a good fit.

Take Some Precautions

You should change passwords for your financial accounts, your email, your phone, and icloud (if you share a family data plan). However, you cannot lock your spouse out of joint accounts by changing the password or taking them off of the accounts. Consider getting a new email for the purpose of communicating with your attorney and any other professionals involved in your case. This can make it easier to keep track of your conversations with your team.

This may be painful, but here goes: lock down your social media – Instagram, Facebook, everything. Change your settings to “friends only” and then have a look at your friends list and consider whether someone knowing about your day-to-day life during this period will put you at a disadvantage, or cause unnecessary drama. You can, for example, create a smaller friend group for certain posts. It’s really best to not discuss your case on social media at all. You may want to consider deleting your account altogether if you cannot resist the urge to post!

If your spouse is being confrontational, aggressive, abusive, or otherwise behaving badly, document this as well as you can. Save the evidence in a separate, cloud-based account. Screenshot text conversations (make sure the date is visible). Pro Tip: Alabama is a one-party state, so you can record conversations without your partner’s permission if you are a part of that conversation. You cannot, however, hide a recorder to record their conversations with other people. That is illegal. Some people think about hiring private investigators if their spouse is cheating or doing anything illegal. It’s probably best to ask an attorney’s advice on whether this is a good idea and will be worth the expense.

Are You in Danger?

First and foremost: call the Domestic Violence hotline for help with a safety plan (1-800-799-7233). In Mobile County, you can call the Penelope House (251-342-8994). They are best equipped to help you exit safely.

If you are in danger, do not tell your spouse of your plans until you are ready to move out or have actually left. In an abusive relationship, this is a particularly dangerous time. Check your vehicle for tracking and recording devices – or ask a mechanic to do so. You can remove these. It’s a good idea to change your phone settings so you cannot be tracked with the phone’s GPS. You can also get a pay-as-you-go phone for your own use, so you have a phone that is not on your family phone plan.

We often hear that a spouse has told a client that if they move out, that’s considered “abandonment” and they will lose all right to their house, property, and children. This is a common misconception. Your safety is paramount, and you are allowed to take your children and move out. Your safety plan may include limiting the list of who can pick up your children at school. The other parent is generally allowed to be on that list unless a court order is in place. This is a little bit of a tricky area and a good topic to seek legal advice on.

Things to Remember

The great Russian novelist began the novel Anna Karenina by saying, “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” You can’t expect your divorce to be like anyone else’s. Everybody’s marriage is different, and so everybody’s divorce is different. Recruiting legal and personal counsel to help you through these troubled waters will help you come out the other side in a better place.

Author: Jill Chancey

Jill Chancey is a New Orleans native who has called Mobile home since 2019. She attended Trinity University in San Antonio, majoring in Art History and English. She also has an MA and a PhD in Art History. After earning a certificate in Paralegal Studies, she pivoted to the legal profession after several decades as an art historian. In her free time she enjoys science fiction, art museums, and collecting and reselling vintage design.

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What is a No-Fault Divorce?

by Jill Chancey | Sep 3, 2024 | Alabama, Child Support, Custody, Divorce, Family, Family Law, Mobile

What is a No-Fault Divorce?

Simply speaking a no-fault divorce is one in which the parties are not required to give the court specific reasons for getting divorced. A couple can get divorced if they simply cannot get along anymore, rather than having to prove that one spouse did something wrong.

The no-fault divorce does not have to be an uncontested divorce, however. The law applies whether you are going to court or not. Here at Herlihy Family Law, we normally do not name any reasons other than incompatibility and breakdown of the marriage when we file a divorce complaint or agreement.

Understanding No-Fault Divorce

One concern people have when they come to us is whether they have to prove they have a legally approved reason to get divorced. In Alabama, you simply need to state that you’re incompatible, so there’s no need to give details to the court. In the past, some courts required proof that a marriage had failed for specific reasons to grant a divorce.

This might have consisted of providing proof of infidelity or abuse, for example. Luckily the law has determined that divorce is a personal decision and you don’t have to convince a stranger to let you get one.

A Brief History of No-Fault Divorce

Some people are concerned that no-fault divorce is a new idea that is contributing to the divorce rate. The first no-fault divorce law in the Western world was enacted in Prussia in 1757. In the modern era, no-fault divorces date back to the early 20^th century. And in the US, the first no-fault divorce law was enacted in 1969, over 50 years ago. Within ten years the no-fault option was nearly universal in the United States. The divorce rate in the US has actually fallen since the 1970s.

Regardless, one of the main advantages is that these laws can decrease the adversarial nature of a divorce. The previous model tended to increase conflict and even resulted in perjury and false accusations. For example, judges now do not need to determine whether a party has been unfaithful.

In the United States, every state permits no-fault divorce, although the requirements may vary. Some require a specific period of separation, for example. In Alabama, this is not the case. Alabama does require a six-month residency for at least one party. Fortunately, the pre-Civil War Alabama law that required the approval of both houses of the state legislature to grant a divorce is no longer on the books!

Benefits of a No-Fault Divorce

The no-fault option allows the parties to separate the negotiation process from the emotional desire to assign blame or be proven blameless. We know that both parties may be angry, or hurt, or feel betrayed. This doesn’t have to carry over into the divorce negotiation. The emotional side of divorce is better handled by experienced and trained counselors and therapists. Your attorneys are only qualified to handle the legal side of the matter.

If both parties are ready and willing to get divorced, they can choose an uncontested divorce. This is a great option for couples who are low-conflict and able to negotiate in good faith. If it’s possible to negotiate an agreement without going to court, it is far less expensive and time-consuming than a contested divorce through the courts. It’s also likely to result in less ongoing conflict.

Does a No-Fault Divorce Mean I Can’t Even Mention My Spouse’s Faults?

Not necessarily. In an uncontested divorce, your spouse’s faults are irrelevant and do not come into play at all. If the parties are not in agreement and choose a contested divorce, the court may consider bad behavior, such as domestic violence and drug or alcohol abuse, when the case comes to trial. No-fault divorce means neither party has to prove the accusations to actually get divorced.

They do, however, have to provide evidence to back up any accusations if they choose to bring these to the attention of the court and are asking for a decision based on these behaviors. This is most likely to come into play when children are involved, as the safety and well-being of the parties’ children come first in making custody decisions.

If there is evidence of mental illness that endangers the children, this could also become part of the case in a contested divorce. It is not enough to say the other party is being treated for a mental illness, though. Many people find themselves in need of help with depression and anxiety, for example, especially when they’re in a failing marriage.

What matters is that they are getting the help they need and are capable of being good parents. Simply seeing a therapist is not grounds for losing custody.

The Uncontested No-Fault Divorce

Why would you need an attorney to help in a no-fault uncontested divorce? There are two main parts to the process. We start by helping you negotiate your divorce agreement with the other party or their attorney. Once the agreement is in place, we then generate all of the documents required by the court and file them for you.

Sometimes both parties will be in perfect agreement about everything, so we don’t have to help negotiate at all. We draw up the documents, everybody signs, and we file them with the court. After 30 days, they will go to the judge for approval.

You might think (or hope!) that it’s as simple as filing one signed agreement, but several other documents must be filed. This can be up to 7 or 8 documents, depending on your circumstances.

At Herlihy Family Law we have many years of experience handling divorces in Mobile and Baldwin Counties and know exactly what the state, county, and individual judges require.

The Contested No-Fault Divorce

If the parties are not in agreement, your attorney will file a divorce complaint, or respond to your spouse’s. We then guide you through the whole process up to and including a court trial if it comes to that.

Even in the case of a contested divorce, you do not have to persuade a judge to allow you to get divorced. The judge’s job is to determine a fair and equitable agreement based on the law and the facts presented to him or her.

What if I Really Want an At-Fault Divorce?

It’s really not necessary to name and blame in most divorce cases. Consider whether you truly want all of your faults exposed as well, and whether you want all of the unpleasant details of your marriage on the record.

Playing the “blame game” is going to distract you both from the legal issues we are here to assist with. It’s also going to end up costing more money if your attorney has to get involved with proving (and defining!) infidelity, for example.

We do understand the desire to tell the world about your spouse’s terrible behavior; however, fault does not typically affect the outcome of the divorce as much as you might think it should.

Since I Don’t Have to Prove I Deserve a Divorce, What Do I Need to Consider to Move Forward?

The most difficult parts of a divorce agreement are often child custody and child support. You can search our blog for more information about these issues. Some agreement terms can be entirely individual, whereas others must conform to the statutes and standards.

For example, some statutes determine the amount of child support. This is based on a formula that takes into account both parties’ incomes, the cost of healthcare, and the cost of work-related childcare. The amount determined can be altered by agreement, but the judge will need a reason for the deviation from the formula.

The rest of the agreement covers property, assets, and debts. The goal here is an equitable distribution, which doesn’t necessarily mean a 50/50 split. Determining factors include the length of the marriage, what assets and debts a party brought into the marriage, and the income of both parties during the marriage. Pensions and retirement accounts are taken into consideration as well. This can also be very contentious, but we are experienced negotiators and handle this every day.

We also ensure that both parties come to an agreement about the division of personal property, cars and other vehicles, and their pets. (Yes, you can put your pets in your divorce agreement!).

Ready to Talk to an Attorney?

Call the office at 251-432-7909 to schedule a consultation, or go to the homepage of our website and click on “request a consultation.” We are open five days a week and can offer both in-person and Zoom meetings. In a consultation, you will discuss your case, your options, and our fees.

Author: Alison Herlihy

Family law attorney Alison Herlihy is a native of Mobile, Alabama. Alison has engaged in the private practice of family law since 2005, focusing primarily on domestic relations, divorce and child support, child custody law, adoption law, juvenile, probate practice, and wills.

Alison Baxter Herlihy earned the prestigious AV Preeminent peer review rating from Martindale-Hubbell, which recognizes attorneys for the highest levels of legal ability and professional ethical standards. Alison is a certified Guardian Ad Litem. In 2015, Alison became a Registered Mediator on the Alabama State Court Mediator Roster, in both general and domestic relations mediation.

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Explaining Status Quo and Pretrial Order Regarding Finances, Assets, and Custody/visitation

by Walter Gewin | Jul 31, 2024 | Alabama, Divorce, Family Law, Mobile

Explaining Status Quo and Pretrial Order Regarding Finances, Assets, and Custody/visitation

When getting divorced, the term “Status Quo” is often mentioned and yet many do not understand what it means for them, their obligation, and the Court’s expectation.

A divorce is the process by which the Court divides a married couple’s assets, and debts, and awards custody and visitation, when parties have minor children. Therefore, the Court when a divorce is filed, the Court enters a pretrial order in which it addresses how parties are to maintain their finances, assets, and arrange for custody and visitation while the case is pending and awaiting trial.

The Court expects divorcing parties to maintain the status quo as it existed during the marriage while the case is pending and until a final judgment can be entered. The court provides that the parties are to continue to pay all debts, regular expenses, and other necessary living expenses in the same manner and from the same source as they were customarily paid in the months leading up to the filing of the divorce.

When determining the status quo and what is customary, the Court looks at the parties’ average expenditures in the six months leading up to the filing of the divorce. The status quo payments and expenses to be maintained vary from case to case, but they would include among others, the following: rent, mortgage payments, utilities, cell phone, car loans, gas, food, insurance, children’s school and/or child care expenses.

Additionally, assets are to be maintained and not to be disposed of during the pending divorce without Court approval or written agreement of both parties. This would include disposing of real estate, and personal property, making large withdrawals from accounts, or withdrawals that are not customary from accounts. Parties also must maintain insurance policies, retirement accounts, and refrain from borrowing against their retirement accounts, and may not change their beneficiary pending divorce.

Spouses are also not to limit the other parties’ access to credit cards and money as they had during the marriage and are not to limit the other parties’ access to the marital home unless the parties have separated prior to the divorce being filed. Cars are to continue to be in the possession of the party that used it during the marriage.

While seemingly straightforward, divorcing spouses often struggle with the status quo because maintaining finances as existed during the marriage can be difficult when parties may not be living together while their divorce is pending, spouses may have incurred additional expenses, and parties may be dealing with a large amount of disagreement and/or animosity.

The only way to deviate from the status quo is by agreement of the parties or relief from the status quo granted by the Court.

Parties are to have joint legal custody of their minor child(ren) during their pending divorce and are to consult each other regarding decisions for the child(ren). Each party is to have equal access to the child(ren)’s records and information. The Court intends for both parents to have frequent and substantial time with both parents and for disruption to be minimized, unless circumstances require the limiting of a parent’s visitation and physical custody. In the event that couples separate pending their divorce, they are encouraged to workout an agreement regarding their respective time with the minor child(ren) otherwise they are ordered to obtain a copy of the Court’s Parenting Plan Guidelines. In Mobile County, the parenting guidelines provide for one parent to have physical custody and the other parent to have visitation every other weekend Thursday through Sunday, Thursday night return to school Friday morning on the weeks wherein they do not have weekend visitation, and half the provided holidays.

Again, as in life, every case is different, and different facts could warrant changes to the status quo and the parties’ ability to follow same. For example, a spouse losing their employment could change their ability to follow the Court’s status quo order or domestic violence or drugs call for different custody and visitation. Ultimately, the Court can grant relief from the status quo or address a party’s refusal to comply with the pretrial order. A spouse that refuses to follow the status quo and/or withholds access and visitation with the children risks being held in contempt in court.

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Author: Walter Gewin

Attorney Walter Gewin is a native of Mobile, Alabama. After graduation from law school, Walter clerked for Circuit Court Judge John Lockett before pursuing a career in the private practice of law. Initially, practicing a wide variety of law; Walter’s practice has become more focused on family law, including juvenile, probate, and domestic relations matters. Walter also currently serves as a certified Guardian Ad Litem in Dependency, Delinquency, and Domestic Relations matters.

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3 Common visitation schedules in divorce in Mobile, AL

by Walter Gewin | Mar 25, 2024 | Alabama, Children, Custody, Divorce, Family, Family Law, Mobile, Visitation

3 Common visitation schedules in divorce in Mobile, AL

While divorces are far from one size fits all, there are a few common visitation schedules in divorce in Mobile, AL.

In uncontested divorces and divorces settled by agreements, visitation schedules can vary according to the terms the parties agree upon.

Also in the event the visiting party is found to be on drugs or dangerous, visitation can be restricted to supervised visitation, daytime only, or supervised visitation at the Family Center.

Absent extenuating circumstances just mentioned and assuming that a divorce case proceeds to trial, visitation schedules are often as follows in Mobile, AL:

Standard Visitation

Both of our judges in Mobile, AL have a standard visitation schedule wherein one parent has physical custody and the other parent has “standard visitation.”

This visitation schedule is the most commonly utilized type of visitation schedule in Mobile. The visiting parent has the child(ren) every other weekend Thursday through Sunday, and the weeks that the visiting parent does not have weekend visitation, they have visitation from the release of school on Thursday through return to school Friday morning.

Additionally, with standard visitation, the parents divide the holidays. Each parent has a week with the child(ren) during Christmas break, alternating which parent gets the first or second week of Christmas break every other year.

The visiting parent also has alternate year spring break and Thanksgiving break with the child(ren). For summer, each parent has the child(ren) for one month, with the custodial parent having the kid(s) for the first two weeks of June and the first two weeks of July, and the visiting parent having the last two weeks of June and July.

Additionally, the child(ren) are with the mother on Mother’s Day weekend and with the father on Father’s Day weekend.

Joint Physical Custody

If parties receive joint physical custody of their child(ren), the parties typically rotate the custody of the kid(s) on a weekly basis.

Joint custody visitation may then be further expounded upon to give the parties a larger amount of uninterrupted visitation in the summer, designated time with the child(ren) on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, specified Christmas Eve/Day visitation, and alternate Thanksgiving and spring break visitation.

Joint Custody is not the standard visitation schedule for divorces in Mobile, AL, however both of our Judges have been known to order Joint Physical Custody in certain cases at their discretion.

Out of State Visitation

Should the visiting parent live out of state, the visiting parent’s visitation will more than likely resemble some form of out-of-state visitation.

This visitation schedule allows for regularly scheduled visits for the visiting parent as well as accommodation for the visiting parent if the visiting parent makes additional efforts to visit the child(ren) in the city where the child(ren) resides.

In this visitation schedule, one parent has physical custody and the other has visitation.

The visiting, nonresident parent typically has visitation one weekend per month from Friday to Sunday, to be exercised in the city in which the child(ren) reside, provided the non-custodial parent shall provide 7 days’ notice to the custodial parent of their intent to exercise said visitation.

In the summer the visiting parent often will be allotted a larger amount of summer visitation, such as 6 weeks, due to the longer distance between them and the home of the minor child(ren) and the ability of the kid(s) to visit due to school not being in session.

The visiting parent also gets a week with the minor child(ren) at Christmas, alternate Thanksgiving, and alternate spring breaks.

Additionally, often the visiting parent will also get the ability to visit with the kid(s) any other time when the visiting parent is in the hometown of the child(ren) provided he gives notice beforehand, said visit is no longer than 48 hours, and said visit will not interfere with the kid(s) school.

Again, the facts in every divorce are unique and Judges can tailor custody and visitation as needed. While these are the most common visitation schedules that result from divorces in Mobile, AL, every case is different.

Judgments of Divorce are final and the terms therein regarding custody and visitation last until the children become adults.

Author: Walter Gewin

Attorney Walter Gewin is a native of Mobile, Alabama. After graduation from law school, Walter clerked for Circuit Court Judge John Lockett before pursuing a career in the private practice of law. Initially, practicing a wide variety of law; Walter’s practice has become more focused on family law, including juvenile, probate, and domestic relations matters. Walter also currently serves as a certified Guardian Ad Litem in Dependency, Delinquency, and Domestic Relations matters.

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How to get divorced with kids involved in Mobile, AL in 2024

by Walter Gewin | Feb 27, 2024 | Alabama, Child Support, Children, Divorce, Family Law, Mobile

How to get divorced with kids involved in Mobile, AL in 2024

When people are considering divorce and they have a family, one of the most common questions we hear is how to get divorced with kids involved.

Unfortunately getting divorced is often a difficult experience for all family members, which often includes the children of the marriage.

However, there are ways to lessen the involvement and limit the trauma experienced by children due to the divorce.

Children are technically not parties to divorce proceedings; however, custody, visitation for the non-custodial parent, and child support are all matters covered in divorce. Therefore children’s involvement and their knowledge of the same must be taken into account by the divorcing parties.

Undoubtedly, the best course of action is to not involve children in their parents’ divorce. As divorce is an adult matter, unnecessarily involving minor children in the process can have harmful effects on minor children. The children are more than likely not equipped with the ability to understand the divorce and how they as children are involved.

Children’s well-being should be prioritized during this often difficult transition and professional help, including therapy, utilized if needed.

Because the parties will ultimately be divorced from one another either through an agreement or through the ultimate trial, children must have the tools that they need to cope and be successful with their parents’ new custody and visitation arrangement as ordered by the Court.

In some cases, there can be another layer of complexity involved, necessitating the appointment of a Guardian Ad Litem to represent the children’s best interests in the divorce case.

Guardian Ad Litems can help advocate for the minor children’s best interests, examine the evidence presented in the case, cross-examine witnesses, and give a recommendation to the Court regarding custody and visitation.

The Court can appoint a Guardian Ad Litem at their discretion when requested by either party. However, the involvement of a Guardian Ad Litem is not always necessary and is more common when there are allegations of abuse, drug use, criminal activity, and other concerns present.

When parents are divorcing, it is important to remember that more than likely both adults will have a role to play in the children’s lives post-divorce until the children become adults and reach the age of majority (19 years old), whether that be having custody or regular visitation with the children.

Therefore, a level of civility is necessary to continually co-parent children, attend school/extracurricular functions together for the children, jointly participate in the children’s medical care, and communicate effectively with the other parent.

Divorce can be a great opportunity for both parties to start anew and utilize efficient and practical co-parenting skills to best promote their minor children’s best interests and position them for success.

Children should be allowed to be children and not feel responsible for their parent’s divorce or be forced to be a part of the legal proceedings.

Working together to successfully co-parent the minor children is in everyone’s best interest and helps ensure that the focus remains on the minor children.

Author: Walter Gewin

Attorney Walter Gewin is a native of Mobile, Alabama. After graduation from law school, Walter clerked for Circuit Court Judge John Lockett before pursuing a career in the private practice of law. Initially, practicing a wide variety of law; Walter’s practice has become more focused on family law, including juvenile, probate, and domestic relations matters. Walter also currently serves as a certified Guardian Ad Litem in Dependency, Delinquency, and Domestic Relations matters.

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How can alcohol use affect a divorce?

by Alison Herlihy | Feb 9, 2024 | Alabama, Divorce, Family Law, Mobile

How can alcohol use affect a divorce?

It is Mardi Gras season here in Mobile, Alabama and, while we all enjoy a little revelry, there is no denying the fact that alcohol use often turns into alcohol misuse and even alcohol abuse. You may be wondering how can alcohol use can affect a divorce?

Did you know that heavy alcohol use is very strongly correlated with divorce?

In other words, if one spouse is a heavy drinker or has an alcohol use disorder, the couple is much more likely to get divorced.

Studies have shown that 50% of people with an alcohol use disorder get divorced at some point in their lives, whereas only 30% of people without an alcohol use disorder get divorced.

Divorce and Alcohol Abuse go hand-in-hand in other ways as well. Divorce is one of the most stressful and traumatic life events that anyone can go through, and a lot of people turn to alcohol as a coping mechanism during times of extreme stress.

Alcohol may seem like a quick fix but it is more harmful than helpful as a coping mechanism.

When you are going through a divorce, your sleep is likely to be disrupted – Alcohol makes that worse. Divorce can also cause feelings of depression, anxiety, shame, and anger – Alcohol exacerbates all of those feelings.

If there is domestic violence in your marriage – Alcohol almost always makes violence more severe.

How do you know if you or your spouse has an alcohol problem? Here are a few common signs:

History of alcohol-related arrests, particularly traffic offenses such as DUIs.
Difficulty maintaining employment
Interpersonal relationship issues in a variety of contexts such as family, friends, and coworkers
Medical issues that could be addressed by reducing or eliminating alcohol consumption
Excessive spending on alcohol
Making or changing plans to accommodate alcohol use
Refusing to stop drinking even when it causes a detrimental effect on the person’s well-being and the well-being of others around them
Family and friends have raised concerns about your drinking

If you are concerned that you may be turning to alcohol as a coping mechanism too much or if your spouse has accused you of having an alcohol problem, the best thing you can do is to stop drinking.

If you are unable to do that on your own, seek help. If you have any concerns that you are physically dependent on alcohol, you must have medical supervision to stop drinking as your health can become significantly endangered.

If you feel strongly that your spouse has an alcohol use disorder, and they refuse to seek help or stop drinking, your only option may be to get divorced for your own well-being and maybe even your safety.

How does alcohol use affect a divorce?

If one spouse in a divorce has an alcohol use disorder, the Court has the discretion to conclude that they are at fault for the breakdown of the marriage.

If the Court finds that one spouse is at fault, then they may sanction that spouse by awarding them a smaller share of the marital estate or ordering them to pay the other spouse’s attorney’s fees.

If you have minor children, a parent’s abuse or misuse of alcohol can be a very significant factor in your case.

In a divorce, the best interests of the children are of paramount importance. The Court will not want to place the children in a situation that is dangerous; however, if you have concerns that your spouse’s drinking is dangerous, you will have to be able to prove it.

Possible sources of proof include your testimony, the eyewitness testimony of others, criminal records, financial records, medical records, photos, videos, audio recordings, and text messages.

If there is a concern that the person will still drink even if Court-ordered not to, the Court can put alcohol monitoring in place through Soberlink or a similar program.

In general, alcohol abuse and misuse make divorce even more difficult than it already is.

If your spouse has the problem, then they are very likely to make the divorce more contentious and difficult than it already is. If you have the problem, then you are making an already challenging situation even more challenging for yourself, and you need to seek help if you cannot quit on your own.

Even if you don’t have a problem, there are much healthier coping mechanisms than alcohol, such as therapy, exercise, quality time with loved ones, and getting enough sleep.

The metaphor I often use with clients is that alcohol during a divorce is like pouring gasoline on a fire. For your own mental health, physical safety, and the well-being of your children if you have children, avoid alcohol during your divorce if you have any questions or concerns about your alcohol use.

If you think you need help or are seeking help for a loved one with an alcohol use disorder, you can call the National Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration at 800-662-4357 to obtain confidential help from public health agencies to find substance use treatment and information.

Author: Alison Herlihy

Family law attorney Alison Herlihy is a native of Mobile, Alabama. Alison has engaged in the private practice of family law since 2005, focusing primarily on domestic relations, divorce and child support, child custody law, adoption law, juvenile, probate practice, and wills.

Alison Baxter Herlihy earned the prestigious AV Preeminent peer review rating from Martindale-Hubbell, which recognizes attorneys for the highest levels of legal ability and professional ethical standards. Alison is a certified Guardian Ad Litem. In 2015, Alison became a Registered Mediator on the Alabama State Court Mediator Roster, in both general and domestic relations mediation.

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