We do our very best to keep the divorce process as simple, conflict-free, and by-the-book as possible. Sometimes our clients unintentionally make mistakes that complicate the process.  What are some of the mistakes we see?  Here are some things you should not do while you’re getting divorced:

Don’t overshare on social media

A lot of people are very online, from Instagram to TikTok to Facebook.  It’s best to avoid talking about your legal matters on any social media platform.  Even if you have blocked your spouse, he or she may have friends or family members who will share your posts with them.  Ranting or raving about your case will never help, and anything you post can be used as evidence in court. 

Don’t post pictures or information about your social life, parties you’ve been to, or money you’ve spent.  If you can’t resist sharing, you may need to shut down your social media accounts until your case is over.

Don’t get into altercations or aggressive confrontations

Emotions run high during divorces and separations, but don’t try to provoke your spouse and in turn, don’t let them get under your skin. You really do not want a disagreement to turn into an altercation requiring police intervention. 

People who know each other well also know how to push each other’s buttons.  Learn to recognize when that is happening and don’t react.  Likewise, don’t be on the other side of this: don’t pick fights.  It’s in nobody’s best interest.

Don’t discuss legal matters with your soon-to-be ex

In a truly amicable split, this doesn’t necessarily apply.  We see clients who have worked out all of the details of their uncontested divorce before they even call us.  That’s a great situation to be in.  But if you can’t talk without arguing, if someone is manipulative or dishonest or abusive, just let the attorneys do the talking. 

You can always say “Have your attorney contact mine.”  And don’t sign anything at all without your lawyer’s advice!   You’ve probably spent a good deal of money for representation – let your attorney represent your best interests.

Don’t use your children against your spouse

We sometimes see people trying to withhold visitation, or saying terrible things about their partner to their children. Don’t do this!  Try to make this process as painless as possible for them. Using them to punish their other parent harms them the most. Whether it’s true or not, avoid insulting or degrading your partner to your kids. They’re already having a hard time, so don’t put them in the middle of it.  

In a contested divorce there will frequently be a parenting plan or temporary visitation schedule in place.  Abide by it to the letter!  If you feel your spouse is dangerous or irresponsible, take it up with your attorney.

Don’t have arguments in writing

Everything you say in a text, email, or DM can potentially be used as evidence in court.  Remember, the internet is forever!  Refrain from being aggressive or insulting.  Definitely do not threaten your ex.  Don’t admit to wrongdoing or even anything that might be prejudicial.  Use caution when communicating with your ex and his or her family and close friends.   

Don’t start dating someone else while you’re still married

Until your divorce is final, i.e. signed by the judge, this is still considered adultery in the state of Alabama.  It can hurt your case, and definitely will not help your case. It can also cause your ex to be even more spiteful or vengeful if they’re mad that you’ve moved on.  Some clients don’t want to hear this, but just refrain from jumping back into the dating pool until you are legally done with the marriage.  If you have children, they will need some time to adjust to your separation before meeting a new partner.

Don’t drink or use drugs during the divorce

We know that drinking is legal (and in some places, a few recreational drugs).  But again, it’s not a good look, and it can come up in court if your partner wants to go there.  We see exes claiming that someone is a bad parent because they party. 

You may actually be the better parent, but you don’t want the judge to think you’re partying all the time.

Particularly be sure not to drink or do drugs around your children, and make sure they do not have access to any that you may have in the house.  Be aware that in many cases, the court will order a drug test if your ex asks them to.

You need to be able to pass a drug test with no notice at all.  If you do decide to drink when you’re not around your children, don’t post it on social media.  Divorce is an extremely stressful time, and it is easy to get on a slippery slope with too much alcohol consumption. 

If you have concerns about your drinking, or if your spouse has ever accused you of drinking too much, the best course of action is not to drink alcohol while your case is pending.  Drugs are illegal in Alabama, so obviously you should not use drugs at all.

Don’t respond immediately to texts or emails

It’s hard sometimes to take a deep breath and walk away from an argument, or an annoying email or text, but train yourself to do it.  Take some time and think about it.  Do you want the answer that’s in your head read out in court? 

It may even be that you don’t need to answer at all.  Or the answer is, take it up with my attorney.  This also applies to friends and family of your ex, who may be texting to share their opinion or try to get information from you.  Conversely, don’t be that person who has their mommy or best friend try to spy on your ex.  Take the high road.

Don’t yell at us, please

Well, this may be a little self-serving, but remember that your attorney’s entire team is on your side, so please be patient and courteous no matter who you are talking to. 

We all want success for your case. 

We know you are going through it.  All of our clients are going through it. Rudeness and yelling won’t change the way the legal process works.  The process can be slow, it can be infuriating, it can be frustrating.  We get it.   We’re all doing our best here.

Don’t lie to your attorney

This one should be a no-brainer, but alas, some people need to hear this. Even people with great judgment are probably not at their best during the divorce process.  So be honest with your attorney. 

Trust us, we’ve heard it all. More than you can imagine.  Some of the most important things to be honest about are finances, assets, criminal records, mental health issues, and infidelity. However, anything that affects you, your children, and your case needs to be shared with us. 

Please don’t have your attorney surprised in court with evidence of something they didn’t know about.  Even if it’s embarrassing, let us know right away!  We cannot properly prepare for your case if we don’t know what is really going on.  Remember, everything you tell us is confidential.

DO call us for us a consultation 

You can of course call us during business hours, or you can go to our website and click “request a consultation.” We can almost always see you within a week or two, and we will always get back to you very quickly.

Author: Jill Chancey

Jill Chancey is a New Orleans native who has called Mobile home since 2019.  She attended Trinity University in San Antonio, majoring in Art History and English.  She also has an MA and a PhD in Art History.  After earning a certificate in Paralegal Studies, she pivoted to the legal profession after several decades as an art historian.  In her free time she enjoys science fiction, art museums, and collecting and reselling vintage design.