5 Tips for Successful Co-Parenting

5 Tips for Successful Co-Parenting

5 Tips for Successful Co-Parenting

Having a good co-parenting relationship with your ex is important for your children’s well-being. Most people don’t consider the fact that their relationship with their ex will continue well beyond their children reaching the age of majority.

A good co-parenting relationship will set your children up to have balanced, happy upbringings. Here are five tips to help ensure you and your ex-partner maintain a successful co-parenting relationship:

1. Always remember your children’s needs come first.

This tip is number one because it is the most important. Just because your relationship with your former partner did not work out, does not mean your children need to suffer for it.

Parents must be able to set aside their differences and show their children that their needs are what matters the most. Children will have the best opportunity to thrive in a peaceful, consistent, stable environment. Never use your child as a pawn or tool of manipulation against the other parent.

This will only lead to problems and will cause lasting trauma on your children. You all may no longer be a family unit, but you can still work as a team to make sure that your children are still surrounded by love and support.

2. Communicate respectfully with one another.

This is one of the most basic rules of co-parenting, and the way for it to be most successful is to understand how you and your ex-partner best communicate. Some former couples are only able to communicate via text, email, or other digital messaging platforms and that is perfectly acceptable.

Others can handle in-person discussions better. What’s important is making sure that whatever method of communication you
choose to utilize you keep open. It is detrimental to weaponize information regarding your children because the only ones ultimately hurt by this are your children.

No matter how upset you may be with the other parent, giving them the silent treatment or deliberately withholding information about your children is never the solution.

3. Try your best to stick to your new schedule/routine.

Sticking to your new visitation schedule will not only help you better organize your own time, but it will also help your children maintain a sense of stability and security. While flexibility is important, when necessary, constantly shifting and straying from your routine can cause your children to feel out of balance.

It is their routine and their life that ultimately suffer because they are the ones being shuffled from place to place. There are
always going to be circumstances where a plan must change, and it may be at the last minute, but that doesn’t need to be a habit.

Children need to know that they can count on where and who they’ll be with regularly to maintain stability.

4. Do not bad mouth the other parent.

It is commonly included in divorce or custody agreements that neither parent will disparage the other, or allow others to do so, in front of their children. This can be difficult to follow and enforce, though, because when someone has made your life difficult it is natural to want to vent about their behavior.

Doing this in front of your children, though, can have some pretty serious consequences. When you speak negatively about the other parent, you’re teaching your children that it is okay to be disrespectful, and whether you intend to or not, you are shifting your children’s
perceptions of the other parent.

Instead, save your venting for a friend or therapist, and try to make more of an effort to highlight your co-parent’s good qualities. This will make your children feel safe and comfortable speaking about the parent who isn’t present without hurting your feelings.

5. Leave your children out of adult decisions.

It can be challenging for newly single parents to blur the parent/child relationship line and make the mistake of treating their children like a friend – especially if any of their children are older and more independent. However, bouncing decisions off children or discussing adult topics with them can lead to an imbalance in the parent/child relationship dynamic.

When children have too much power and input in adult decisions it can lead to poor choices by the children, loss of respect for the parent (or other adults), and an increase in their stress and anxiety levels. Kids are meant to be kids.

Allow them to have a voice when it is appropriate, but make sure you are not involving them in adult topics, like finances or parenting issues.

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Author: Anna Eden

Attorney Anna Eden is a native of Mobile, Alabama. Prior to joining Herlihy Family Law, Anna worked as a law clerk for Circuit Court Judges Michael Windom and Michael Sherman. It was during her time clerking for Judge Sherman that Anna discovered her passion for helping people navigate the complex and emotional issues involved in family law.

Anna aids in the representation of individuals across a variety of family law issues, including divorce and child support, juvenile law, child custody law, probate, and wills.

4 Reasons Why Prenups Aren’t as Bad as You Think

4 Reasons Why Prenups Aren’t as Bad as You Think

4 Reasons Why Prenups Aren’t as Bad as You Think

Prenuptial agreements (“prenups”) have a pretty bad reputation. The common misconception is that they create an unbalanced power dynamic between couples, protecting the wealthier spouse by making it easier for them to get divorced and making it more difficult for the less-wealthy spouse to do so.

People also often view them as an immediate sign that you’re anticipating a divorce even before getting married; however, this is not the case.

 

Prenups are legal contracts that provide terms for how assets and debts are to be divided in the case of a divorce, or in the event your spouse dies.

Yes, they are created before a couple marries, but it does not mean that your partner is already considering the possibility of a divorce or your immediate death. If anything, they help couples know up front what their financial situation is, and it sets a clear path for marriage. Prenups
can also outline things like spousal support or inheritances.

 

Having a prenup in place can actually make relationships stronger because it will force each partner to set goals and expectations for their marriage.

They provide couples with the opportunity ahead of time to have the often-uncomfortable conversation about finances and give one another a better understanding of what is important to the other and how they can support each other. It requires couples to have clear communication
from the outset, which will positively translate into the marriage.

 

Without a prenuptial agreement in place, Alabama law will determine who owns the property, other assets, and debts acquired during the marriage.

Under Alabama law, a marriage is a contract so there are automatic property rights for each spouse, and when a marriage ends (by divorce or death) the state will have a say in who gets what. Prenups are essential if you want to try and avoid this kind of intervention. For a prenup
to be valid in Alabama, each spouse needs to be represented by an attorney. This ensures that each spouse is getting what they need from the agreement and that communication runs smoothly. The reality is that every single marriage ends. It will either end in death or divorce. Couples have to ask themselves, “Do we want the state to tell us how our lives will be divided?” Most would immediately say, “No.”

 

Prenups are also a way to save yourself time, money, and trauma should you find yourself in a situation where your marriage has ended and a lengthy, messy divorce is on the horizon.

One of the main reasons divorce is expensive is because people aren’t functioning at their best; they take a lot of time to work things out in their head, and that can mean far more conversations with a divorce attorney. A prenup can ensure that if
the worst occurs and the marriage needs to end, it can do so in a much more quick, orderly and inexpensive manner.

At Herlihy Family Law, we want to help you create a safety net as you make the decision to merge your life with your partner’s.

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Author: Anna Eden

Attorney Anna Eden is a native of Mobile, Alabama. Prior to joining Herlihy Family Law, Anna worked as a law clerk for Circuit Court Judges Michael Windom and Michael Sherman. It was during her time clerking for Judge Sherman that Anna discovered her passion for helping people navigate the complex and emotional issues involved in family law.

Anna aids in the representation of individuals across a variety of family law issues, including divorce and child support, juvenile law, child custody law, probate, and wills.

Common Divorce Issues in Long-Term Marriages

Common Divorce Issues in Long-Term Marriages

Common Divorce Issues in Long-Term Marriages

Navigating the intensity of a divorce in a long-term marriage can be challenging, especially when you’ve been married to your spouse for decades.

Untangling your life from your spouse’s can be strenuous and emotionally draining because your assets and debts have become deeply intertwined and your familial bonds have solidified.

At Herlihy Family Law, our team of professional divorce attorneys has all the necessary tools to help you take the next steps with clarity and confidence. 

 

Separation of Deeply Entangled Assets 

In long-term marriages, financial entanglement goes beyond basic shared assets like real estate and bank accounts. Other common marital assets subject to division are vehicles, retirement accounts, pensions, tax credits or refunds, investments, and family-owned businesses. 

Alabama is an equitable distribution state – i.e. things don’t automatically get split down the middle 50/50. The court will determine what a fair distribution is based on the facts and circumstances of a case.

With long-term marriages, judges have more discretion on how to divide assets and debts. Part of these considerations include who contributed more on the front end and which spouse needed the most assistance at the time of the separation. 

 

Alimony 

Another crucial component of divorce for parties in a long-term marriage is spousal support or alimony. In Alabama, alimony is not a given but is largely dependent on the circumstances of the case.

Alabama judges have complete discretion over the issue of alimony. Alimony awards are going to be most common in a long-term marriage when one spouse has been financially dependent on the other for all or at least a significant part of the marriage.

Other factors the court will consider are the earning ability of the spouses; the property awards and value of each spouse’s estate; the health and age of the parties; and in some cases, marital misconduct by either spouse, including adultery. 

The two most common awards of alimony are rehabilitative and periodic. Rehabilitative alimony is short-term support used as a mechanism to help one spouse transition back to the workforce when he or she has a significant earning capacity.

Periodic alimony is a specific payment that is made on a specified, periodic basis. The circumstances in which periodic alimony terminates are when the receiving spouse either remarries, cohabitates with a romantic partner, or dies.

In Alabama, alimony is always modifiable, whether rehabilitative or periodic, upon a showing of a material change in circumstances. 

Emotional Distress on the Whole Family 

The emotional toll of ending a long-term marriage cannot be understated. Having shared a significant portion of your life with someone, the process of separating it can be daunting and terrifying. The heartache you will feel is inevitable.

 

It is no surprise that people say going through a divorce is the same as losing a loved one. You are actively mourning the loss of a significant part of your life!

 

This is especially hard for individuals in a long-term marriage because their family ties have been solidified for years and years. Their families have co-mingled for so long that divorce doesn’t just impact the parties themselves. Their larger family unit can be just as devastated. 

Disconnecting from in-laws and relatives who have provided you with childcare, friendship, emotional support, or guidance is no easy feat.

Whether you have children or not, maintaining these extended family relationships may be important to you. You and your extended family can mitigate the impact of divorce by finding reassurance that it is a shared experience. And the relationship can endure through mutual respect and open communication. 

Separation of Social Lives 

Divorce can also impact your social circles and personal identity. Couples spend years building mutual friendships and shared hobbies.

A divorce means not only dividing assets and responsibilities but also reshaping your social life. One common change in social circles after divorce is a shift in mutual friends.

Often, couples tend to have shared friends who may feel caught in the middle or unsure how to remain connected with both individuals. 

Communication is always key. Be open and honest with your friends about what you’re going through. Let them know if you need space or if you want their support. It’s okay to lean on them during this difficult time.

Some friends may choose sides or feel uncomfortable maintaining relationships with both parties. This can lead to an inevitable reevaluation of one’s social circle and potentially the loss of friendships. 

Grief over lost friendships is normal and should be acknowledged; however, it’s also essential not to dwell on what was lost but instead focus on building healthier relationships moving forward.

Divorced individuals may find themselves seeking out new connections and support systems outside their previous circle. This could mean joining new clubs or organizations, attending events related to personal interests, or even exploring online communities where they can connect with others going through similar experiences.

Finding support and building a strong social circle post-divorce can be a challenging but essential part of moving forward in your life. 

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Author: Anna Eden

Attorney Anna Eden is a native of Mobile, Alabama. Prior to joining Herlihy Family Law, Anna worked as a law clerk for Circuit Court Judges Michael Windom and Michael Sherman. It was during her time clerking for Judge Sherman that Anna discovered her passion for helping people navigate the complex and emotional issues involved in family law.

Anna aids in the representation of individuals across a variety of family law issues, including divorce and child support, juvenile law, child custody law, probate, and wills.

Understanding the Role of a Guardian ad Litem in Divorce and Custody Cases

Understanding the Role of a Guardian ad Litem in Divorce and Custody Cases

Understanding the Role of a Guardian ad Litem in Divorce and Custody Cases

Most people are not familiar with the role of a guardian ad litem in a divorce or child custody case. In this article, we will explain the role of a guardian ad litem and discuss the benefits of having a guardian ad litem.

 

1. What is a Guardian ad Litem?

A Guardian ad Litem is a licensed attorney who is appointed by the Court to represent the best interests of minor children in divorce and custody disputes.

A Guardian ad Litem, often simply referred to as a “GAL”, will have extensive knowledge and experience in practicing family law.

Judges will appoint GALs that they know and trust to be neutral in whatever the pending matter may be, while also advocating for the needs and best interests of the minor children involved.

 

GALs do not represent the parents in the case and cannot give them legal advice. 

 

Both parties in a case will typically be equally responsible for the costs of a GALs service in a case, absent some kind of extraordinary circumstances. 

 

2. What are the duties of a Guardian ad Litem?

GALs have several different responsibilities. Once they are appointed to a case, they are tasked with meeting and interviewing both of the parties, as well as the minor children.

They will take notes, review all the pleadings that have been filed, and familiarize themselves with the case and the issues at hand.

Depending on the length of your case, GALs will likely have multiple meetings or check-ins with everyone involved; on some occasions, they may even do home visits if the circumstances warrant them. 

The Guardian ad Litem also has the duty of recommending to the court what they believe would be an appropriate temporary visitation/custody schedule while a case is pending.

This is why Judges appoint attorneys to this role who are experienced in family law matters.

Sometimes, the temporary visitation schedule that the GAL recommends becomes the parties’ permanent arrangement, but ultimately, the Judge makes all final decisions.

The GAL will also be present during every trial and hearing and has the opportunity to ask witnesses questions just as the parties’ attorneys do.

GALs are also prohibited from having ex parte communications with the court – meaning they cannot have private one-on-one meetings with the Judge.

Ultimately, the Guardian ad Litem’s role is to advocate for their client, just like any other attorney. 

 

3. What are the benefits of having a Guardian ad Litem?

Guardian ad Litems can be tremendously helpful for your case. Beyond the role of advocating for children, GALs can also help remedy disputes about visitation that arise during a case that might otherwise require the filing of a motion with the court.

This saves the parties’ money and the Court’s time – a win for everyone. GALs also serve as your child’s voice during a case.

Though custody and visitation are not solely based on what the child wants, their preferences are one of the many factors considered, and a GAL is the individual who is able to share those opinions with the court. 

Parents are also strongly discouraged from discussing their divorce or custody case with their children, regardless of their age. GALs are able to step in and answer any questions your children may have about what is going on and can best explain to them what the process is.

 

It is in everyone’s best interest for your children to have a good relationship with and trust in their GAL. 

 

At Herlihy Family Law, all of our attorneys have experience serving as Guardian ad Litems in both Circuit Court and Juvenile Court in Mobile County. 

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Author: Anna Eden

Attorney Anna Eden is a native of Mobile, Alabama. Prior to joining Herlihy Family Law, Anna worked as a law clerk for Circuit Court Judges Michael Windom and Michael Sherman. It was during her time clerking for Judge Sherman that Anna discovered her passion for helping people navigate the complex and emotional issues involved in family law.

Anna aids in the representation of individuals across a variety of family law issues, including divorce and child support, juvenile law, child custody law, probate, and wills.

How Long Does a Divorce Take? Essential Information Explained.

How Long Does a Divorce Take? Essential Information Explained.

How Long Does a Divorce Take? Essential Information Explained.

One of the most frequently asked questions in a divorce consultation is, “How long does a divorce take?” and the answer to that question varies based on several factors.

The type of divorce you’re filing, the amount of assets you have, whether child custody is involved, and if there are related criminal charges pending all play a major role in determining how much time your divorce process will take.

 

Uncontested Divorce vs Contested Divorce

The number one factor in determining the answer to “How long does a divorce take” is whether you’ll be filing for an uncontested divorce or a contested divorce.

Uncontested divorces, in the simplest terms, are ones where the parties agree on everything up front, so the only time involved is how long it takes to draft the necessary paperwork plus the statutory 30-day waiting period after filing. All in all, a true uncontested divorce can be fully resolved within 6 to 10 weeks.

If you are filing a contested divorce, then the time it takes for everything to be finalized is more complex due to aspects like child custody and child support. Some divorces start as contested, but the parties are able to reach a settlement relatively soon after filing.

These cases could end up being resolved within a matter of months. In other cases, however, parties will not be able to agree and will need a trial. These cases could take anywhere between 10 to 15 months to resolve.

This is because there are many “phases” of contested divorces, the longest and most necessary being the discovery phase. Discovery alone can take 3 to 6 months to complete depending on the amount of information needed in a case, including obtaining this information via subpoenas or depositions if the exchange of paper discovery is not enough.

Generally speaking, the complexity of your case is going to determine the amount of time it takes. On average, a contested divorce will take about 1 year to be completely resolved.

 

Criminal Charges

Unfortunately, some divorce filings stem from criminal actions, or criminal activity may occur while a divorce is pending. The most common criminal charge associated with a divorce is domestic violence in some form.

When there is a criminal charge pending that is substantially related to a pending divorce case, the defendant in the criminal matter has the right to request the Court to stay the divorce proceedings, and the Court almost always grants the request.

This is because the accused party has a 5th Amendment right against self-incrimination, even in a civil matter like a divorce, and any information obtained during the divorce proceedings could be used against them in the criminal case.

When a divorce is stayed for a criminal matter, the divorce will remain pending with no activity until the criminal case is completely resolved. Depending on the severity of the charge(s), the stay can be in place for a few months to a year or more.

During the stay, your divorce case will be placed on the Court’s Admin Docket and the parties will be required to update the Court on the status of the criminal case every few months.

 

Case Management Conferences and Disposition Dockets

For residents of Mobile County, our domestic relations judges have put into place two systems to ensure that cases on their dockets move at a steady pace and do not “fall through the cracks.”

The Case Management Conference (“CMC”) is a virtual meeting set by the Court in the Pre-Trial Order. Attendance at the CMC may be waived if lawyers or unrepresented parties file a Status Report with the Court at least 24 hours prior to the CMC that describes the following: whether a good faith effort has been made to settle the case; whether discovery is completed, or an estimate of time necessary to complete discovery, if it is not; whether the case is ready for trial; the estimated time required for the final hearing/trial; identification of all unresolved issues to be tried; whether the case requires an immediate hearing and the reason(s) for the urgency; and the email addresses for all unrepresented parties (if known, applicable, or ascertainable). After the CMC, the case will either be set for trial or placed on the Court’s Disposition Docket.

The Disposition Docket is similar to the Admin Docket described above. It is also administrative in nature so that the Courts can keep up with the active cases on their docket. It is not a hearing or trial date to appear in Court.

It is simply a placeholder date for the attorneys to check in with the Court via appropriate motion regarding the present status of the case; i.e., is more time needed for discovery, are the parties attempting mediation or in settlement negotiations, or is the case ready for trial.

Cases are typically set out on Disposition Dockets for 30-90 days at a time. The Courts use the Disposition Docket to track how long a case has been pending. If a case has been pending for almost a year, then typically the Court will notify the attorneys and parties involved that the case will not be set over to the next Disposition Docket and will set the case for trial.

This is because the Courts have just as much of an interest in making sure your divorce case is moving at a steady, efficient pace toward final resolution as you do.

At Herlihy Family Law, it is our goal to guide you out of and through a negative life situation and to a new future for yourself and your children as efficiently as possible. While there isn’t a clear answer to “How long does a divorce take”, hopefully, this gives you a better idea of the factors involved.

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Author: Anna Eden

Attorney Anna Eden is a native of Mobile, Alabama. Prior to joining Herlihy Family Law, Anna worked as a law clerk for Circuit Court Judges Michael Windom and Michael Sherman. It was during her time clerking for Judge Sherman that Anna discovered her passion for helping people navigate the complex and emotional issues involved in family law.

Anna aids in the representation of individuals across a variety of family law issues, including divorce and child support, juvenile law, child custody law, probate, and wills.