by Oyster Shell | Jul 31, 2016 | Alabama, Division of Assets, Divorce, Family, Family Law, Finances, Mobile, Mortgage, Significant Decisions, Uncategorized
As we all know, one of the biggest issues in a divorce is the family home. It all starts to get messy when the decisions of what will happen to it and who is going to live in it become a concern for the parties. Typically, parties go from having two incomes to contribute to the mortgage and other household expenses during the marriage to having only one income to contribute to those expenses after the divorce.
Below are important questions people need to ask themselves when they aren’t sure if they should keep their home when going through a divorce.
1.Is your marital home a great fit for your new lifestyle?
2.What is your house worth today?
3.What would be the cost to keep the house up?
4.Are you willing to sacrifice financially in other areas to keep the house?
5.Is there any equity in the house or are we “upside down?”
6.If there is equity, can I afford to buy my spouse out?
7.Do I have the income and credit to refinance if the Court so orders?
8.Would it benefit me/us more financially to sell the house?
Having to choose whether or not to keep your residence could possibly be one of the most difficult decisions you will have to make during divorce, as there are likely many good and bad memories associated with your marital home. Its always wise to give yourself time to think it all through very carefully. Everyone needs to be able to manage their assets and develop a plan for financial stability and security in the future.
by Oyster Shell | Jul 5, 2016 | Alabama, Divorce, Family Law, Legal Advice, Mobile, Significant Decisions, Uncategorized
As a divorce lawyer, you are always hearing new scenarios that have led to the breakdown of a marriage, but, more often than not, you hear variations on the same theme. When a spouse is cheating, there are some common warning signs that indicate infidelity.
1. Altering their schedule
If your spouse is suddenly working late every day or on weekends, when they have never had to in the past, that is typically a sign that something is amiss. Other common excuses to deviate from their former routine often include a sudden interest in going to the gym, attending church, or participating in other activities without you when these things did not interest them before. Often, these are excuses to be away from the home and you and with someone else.
2. Changes in sexual habits
If your spouse is refusing to be intimate with you without explanation, chances are they are having their needs met somewhere else.
3. Sudden focus on their own physical appearance
Drastic changes in hairstyle, buying sexy clothing or lingerie, obsessing over working out or losing weight can all be signals of infidelity.
4. Excessive Internet Use
From Facebook, to EHarmony, to Christian Mingle, the Internet is one of the top places to meet someone new or reconnect with an old flame. If your spouse is suddenly fixated on the Internet and secretive about their use, they are probably cheating.
5. Multiple Cellphones
If you have a family plan, then why does your spouse also have a prepaid cellphone? If your spouse has purchased a Go Phone in addition to their regular phone, then they are having an affair, unless they have a side business as a drug dealer.
6. Spending a lot of Time with Another Person
There are a million excuses for this one – she is an old friend from high school, her husband is deployed and she needs a lot of help around the house, she is a single mom and I feel sorry for her, his wife died and he needs help picking out a tie etc. If your spouse if performing “husbandly” or “wifely” tasks for someone else, there is probably more going on than they say. If your husband is mowing another woman’s lawn, beware.
The above is for educational purposes only. If you need legal advice, contact an attorney ASAP.
by Oyster Shell | Apr 6, 2016 | Children, Custody, Divorce, Family, Family Law
This is a great article I found on Parents.com on how to discuss and ease the transition of divorce for children of various developmental stages:
Birth to 18 Months
Divorce represents a pivotal and often traumatic shift in a child’s world — and from his perspective, a loss of family. When told of the news, many children feel sad, angry, and anxious, and have a hard time grasping how their lives will change. The age at which a child’s parents divorce also has an impact on how he responds and what he understands about the new family structure. Here is a brief summary of what children comprehend at different ages and how you can help ease their transition.
During infancy, babies are able to feel tension in the home (and between their parents) but can’t understand the reasoning behind the conflict. If the tension continues, babies may become irritable and clingy, especially around new people, and have frequent emotional outbursts. They may also tend to regress or show signs of developmental delay.
How to ease the transition: Children this age require consistency and routine and are comforted by familiarity. Therefore, it’s helpful to maintain normal daily routines, particularly regarding sleep and meals, during and after the divorce. Provide your child with his favorite toys or security items, and spend extra time holding him and offering physical comfort. Rely on the help of friends and family, and be sure to get plenty of rest so you’ll be alert when your baby is awake.
18 Months to 3 Years
During the toddler years, a child’s main bond is with her parents, so any major disruption in her home life can be difficult for her to accept and comprehend. What’s more, kids this age are self-centered and may think they’ve caused their parents’ breakup. They may cry and want more attention than usual, regress and return to thumb sucking, resist toilet training, have a fear of being abandoned, or have trouble going to sleep or sleeping alone at night.
How to ease the transition: If possible, parents should work together to develop normal, predictable routines that their child can easily follow. It’s also important to spend quality time with your child and offer extra attention, and ask trusted friends and relatives to do the same. Discuss your child’s feelings (if she’s old enough to talk), read books together, and assure her that she’s not responsible for the breakup.
3 to 6 Years
Preschoolers don’t understand the whole notion of divorce and don’t want their parents to separate — no matter how tense the home environment. In fact, divorce is a particularly hard concept for these little “control freaks” to comprehend, because they feel as if they have no power to control the outcome.
Like toddlers, preschoolers believe they are ultimately responsible for their parents’ separation. They may experience uncertain feelings about the future, keep their anger trapped inside, have unpleasant thoughts or ideas, or be plagued by nightmares.
How to ease the transition: Parents should try to handle the divorce in an open, positive manner if possible, as a child this age will reflect his parents’ moods and attitudes. Preschoolers will need someone to talk to and a way to express their feelings. They may respond well to age-appropriate books about the topic. Kids this age also need to feel safe and secure and to know they will continue seeing their noncustodial parent (the one with whom they don’t live on a regular basis). Set up a regular visitation schedule, and make sure it’s adhered to consistently.
6 to 11 Years
If school-age kids have grown up in a nurturing environment, it will be only natural for them to have a fear of being abandoned during a divorce. Younger children — 5- to 8-year-olds, for instance — will not understand the concept of divorce and may feel as if their parents are divorcing them. They may worry about losing their father (if they’re living with their mom) and fantasize that their parents will get back together. In fact, they often believe they can “rescue” their parents’ marriage.
Kids from 8 to 11 may blame one parent for the separation and align themselves with the “good” parent against the “bad.” They may accuse their parents of being mean or selfish and express their anger in various ways: Boys may fight with classmates or lash out against the world, while girls may become anxious, withdrawn, or depressed. Children of either gender may experience upset stomachs or headaches due to stress, or may make up symptoms in order to stay home from school.
How to ease the transition: Elementary-school children can feel extreme loss and rejection during a divorce, but parents can rebuild their child’s sense of security and self-esteem. Start by having each parent spend quality time with the child, urging her to open up about her feelings. Reassure her that neither parent will abandon her, and reiterate that the divorce is not her fault. (Likewise, parents should not blame one another for the split, but explain that it was a mutual decision.) It’s also important to maintain a regular visitation schedule as kids thrive on predictability — particularly during times of turmoil.
Finally, since school, friendships, and extracurricular activities are of increasing importance to kids this age, encourage your child to get involved in events and pastimes she thoroughly enjoys. Help her rekindle her self-esteem, and encourage her to reach out to others and not withdraw from the world.
Sources: divorcesource.com; American Academy of Pediatrics; American Medical Association
by Oyster Shell | Aug 6, 2013 | Alabama, Children, Custody, Divorce, Family, Family Law, Legal Advice, Significant Decisions
Below is a testimonial which I received from a client, whom I recently represented on a divorce and custody case. This is posted anonymously and with the client’s permission, of course!
After 2 years of an increasing decline in communication between my wife and I, it became clear to me that a divorce was inevitable. We were married for 7+ years and had 2 children together. I truly believed that our children were much better off in my primary care. I realized that I no longer could speak for myself against her and that I needed solid representation in order to litigate my situation in a court. I chose wisely. Ms. Herlihy is truly a professional. She listened to my concerns for both myself and my children, assisted in formulating the best possible approach to achieve my goals, did extensive research in order to prepare both of us for our objective, and ultimately sat by my side for what was the worst day of my life to date. She had me completely prepared, produced every fact and presented them with perfect legal standard, and ultimately dismantled all testimony against me. I am forever thankful for what she has done for me and my family. In the matter of divorce or child custody, there is no other choice than Alison Herlihy.
by Oyster Shell | Jul 18, 2012 | Alabama, Mobile, Uncategorized
Alison Baxter Herlihy is appearing as the guest attorney on NBC 15’s Law Call show on Sunday, July 22, 2012 at 10:30pm. NBC 15 is the local NBC affiliate for Mobile, Alabama. She will be taking live calls on the issues of Divorce and Child Custody. Viewers may call in to the Law Call show during the live program by calling 877-NBC15-4-U or 877-622-1548.
