4 Tips for Communicating with a High Conflict Person
First of all, what is a high conflict person (HCP)? This term often refers to individuals who have diagnosable personality disorders, but divorce and custody litigation are times of high stress that can lead even healthy individuals to be on their worst behavior. HCP is characterized by a pattern of behaviors that serve to increase conflict rather than resolve it. Examples of these behaviors are:
All or nothing thinking
Unmanaged emotions
Extreme behaviors
Blaming others
(Source: Billy Eddy, LSCW, JD, www.highconflictinstitute.com)
As a family law attorney with Herlihy Family Law, I frequently have clients who are struggling to communicate with a high conflict person. Some tips I give my clients are:
Don’t try to convince them they are wrong or are being unfair.
Logic does not work with someone who is embroiled in irrational thinking.
Abandon the goal of “winning” an argument with them.
HCPs like to argue so continuing to fight will only ensure that you remain trapped in a power struggle with them.
Focus on the ultimate goal.
If your goal is to coach Susie’s soccer team and they bring up that time you did something they did not like ten years ago, do not respond. Instead, re-direct the conversation back to the topic at hand.
Keep your communication professional.
Remember, your romantic relationship with this person is over, so it is not helpful to you to approach them on those terms. Remain calm and business-like. If necessary, restrict your communication with the HCP to written-only methods, such as email.
When it comes to divorce, child custody and visitation disputes are no picnic. These events can be a very emotional and intense process. Frequently in divorce, child custody, or visitation disputes a Guardian Ad Litem, also known as a GAL, will be appointed.
In Alabama, a GAL is an attorney appointed by the court to represent the “best interests” of the child or children involved. A GAL’s duty is not necessarily to advocate for what the child wants which can sometimes be opposed to what is in the child’s best interests. The Guardian Ad Litem will often be asked to present a report and recommendation to the Court for consideration at the conclusion of the case, and, while the Court will take into consideration the recommendation of the GAL, the Court is not bound by what the GAL recommends.
A Guardian Ad Litem is not only appointed in divorce and custody cases but might also be appointed in cases such as;
• Minors involved without living parents
• Juvenile Delinquency Cases
• Child Abuse and Neglect cases
• Guardianships, Conservatorships and Decedents’ Estates in Probate Court.
• Civil Suits of all kinds where minors are involved.
Wondering how to file for divorce? The divorce process can be confusing and complex if you haven’t divorced before. It is important you hire an experienced divorce attorney to represent you and help you navigate the process.
At Herlihy Family Law, we have over 12 years of experience and helped thousands successfully file for divorce. Watch the video below to learn more about where you can begin.
Is it Time for You to Consider a Child Support Modification in your case? If you have had a divorce in Mobile, Alabama, whether you are the person who receives child support or whether you are the party who pays child support for the benefit of your minor children, there are several factors that influence the amount of child support paid:
Date of Prior Order
The Alabama Rules of Judicial Administration, Rule 32, is the Rule of Court which governs the method used to calculate child support in Alabama. A new set of Child Support Guidelines under Rule 32 became effective on January 1, 2009. If your order of child support pre-dates January 1, 2009, you may need to consider taking another look at your child support order.
Incomes of Parties
If there has been a significant change in the income of either the party paying or the party receiving child support, it might be time to re-evaluate child support, as same is based on the income of both parties in the state of Alabama. Some examples of such changes are if one party was unemployed at the time of the last order and is now employed; a party has become disabled and unable to work; a party has been promoted and received a significant salary increase; a party formerly received bonuses or overtime and no longer receives same, etc.
Day Care
Work-related day care for children under the age of 12 is included in the child support calculation in Alabama. Day care can be very costly, so if children are no longer in day care or if day care is not work-related, this can effect the amount of child support in a very significant way.
The above items are just some of the various fact situations that could result in a child support modification. If you believe it may be time to consider a child support modification in your case, contact your attorney to schedule a consultation.
*The above post is for educational purposes only and is not meant to provide legal advice. If you are in need of legal advice, contact an attorney.*
