How to successfully co-parent after divorce

by mighty | Nov 6, 2024 | Child Support, Children, Custody, Divorce, Family, Family Law

How to successfully co-parent after divorce

Most people tend to think that the finish line has been reached once a custody and child support agreement is signed, filed, and finalized. The reality for our clients, however, is that their judgment of divorce or custody order actually the beginning of a new phase in their co-parenting relationship. Sometimes the parents have been separated for a while and already have a good routine in place, but not always. For some people, the new phase is actually easier now that they’ve put their own relationship in the rearview mirror. There’s less day-to-day contact, which usually results in less day-to-day conflict.

This isn’t always the case, unfortunately. High-conflict divorces and custody cases sometimes do not de-escalate once the court order is in place. What we see is that the most common points of conflict are when the children are exchanged, and when it comes time to reimburse the other parent for shared expenses. There are also people who simply thrive on conflict and will continue to make peace almost impossible for their families.

However, there are a number of resources available to assist co-parents in moving forward amicably. When exchanges are a flashpoint and the parents simply cannot be in the same space without getting into an argument, the judge will often order that all exchanges take place at The Gulf Coast Family Center of Mobile, which is a non-profit organization that assists families by providing supervised visitation and monitored exchanges. The Family Center has locations in both Mobile and Robertsdale. Some families also agree for parents to pick-up and drop-off the children at school, which can prevent conflicts between the parents.

If neither location is convenient, another option is for exchanges to take place in a public location, such as a police station about halfway between the parents’ homes. High-conflict people tend to tone down their behavior when in the presence of a building full of police, or if they find themselves in a place with cameras and witnesses all around them. This can also be a court-ordered solution to difficult exchanges. Sometimes the court will even order that neither parent can leave their car during the exchange. In addition, parents do not have to personally present for the exchange. A parent can designate another fit adult, such as grandparents, to handle the visitation exchange on their behalf.

As in many relationships, money can also be a point of conflict. Financial disagreements and incompatibility are a leading cause of divorce and relationship breakups. If two partners are fundamentally incompatible regarding spending, debt, and priorities, that will probably continue to be an issue after the divorce. Regardless, the court orders are usually very specific about how expenses should be divided. For example, all out-of-pocket medical expenses are frequently ordered to be split evenly between the parents. We do see a lot of parents arguing about what needs to be reimbursed, how quickly it was reimbursed, and whether the person who paid requested the reimbursement in a timely fashion.

These failures to communicate successfully can be assisted with one of several communication apps. One we see used frequently is the Our Family Wizard app. This is a subscription service in which both parents do 100% of their communications through the app, including sending receipts and so forth. That way one parent can block their ex from sending email, texts, making phone calls, or contacting them on social media. Our Family Wizard tracks and saves all communications so that each party has evidence of what has been said and what bills have been sent to each other. The app also includes a tone meter that gives you advice on how to make your own communication more neutral and less argumentative. Again, being monitored tends to cause high-conflict people to tone down their behavior. There are several other apps of this type, but Our Family Wizard is probably the most common and most comprehensive. Sometimes the use of an app of this nature is court-ordered. Judges can usually get a pretty good idea of whether a high-conflict relationship will continue to be so, whereas sometimes it’s part of a negotiated agreement.

When it comes to monthly child support, we always recommend that parties pay their child support through an Income Withholding Order so that payments are made automatically and the parents do not have to negotiate with each other on the when, where and how of the monthly payments. The money is deducted automatically from the payer’s paycheck, and sent to the payee by the child support payment center. Every payment is on record and easily confirmed. Paying with cash or a peer-to-peer payment app is not going to result in the best evidence that a child support payment has been made or received. Automating the process will, ideally, result in less arguing about when a payment is going to be made, or how much it will be, or why someone doesn’t want to make a payment this month. Less conflict is better for your kids, and better for you.

What happens if none of the systems in place prevent co-parents from coming into conflict, whether it’s over visitation, medical bills, child support, or the cost of extracurriculars? Well, that may be where we come in. A parent who is not in compliance with a court order may be found to be in contempt if they are taken back to court. It might also be that a modification of some aspects of the court order is warranted, if there is a sufficient change in circumstances. If you find that your co-parent is not abiding by the order in place, document everything as best you can. Keep copies of any communications, keep a log of visitation times, and track your expenses and payments.

If the issue is ongoing, you can always book a consultation with us to determine if it is worth taking it back to the judge for remediation.

Author: Jill Chancey

Jill Chancey is a New Orleans native who has called Mobile home since 2019. She attended Trinity University in San Antonio, majoring in Art History and English. She also has an MA and a PhD in Art History. After earning a certificate in Paralegal Studies, she pivoted to the legal profession after several decades as an art historian. In her free time she enjoys science fiction, art museums, and collecting and reselling vintage design.

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Child Support: Your Questions Answered

by Jill Chancey | Oct 18, 2024 | Alabama, Child Support, Children, Custody, Divorce, Family, Family Law

Child Support: Your Questions Answered

We get a lot of questions about child support here. It tends to be one of the most contentious elements in a divorce. We also help unmarried parents when they come to us looking for a fair arrangement for both child support and custody. Unfortunately, there are no quick, easy, or universal answers. Most of the initial answers to general questions are “it depends,” but given the facts of the case, an attorney can provide you with a more specific answer.

A brief history of child support

In the United States, laws governing and mandating child support were initiated around 1950 as an effort to reduce the number of children living in poverty. This mission has expanded to all parents, not just those living in poverty. Essentially, our government has deemed it a public good that all children have sufficient food, shelter, health care, and the necessities of life. This is the primary mission of all agencies involved in child support, from the federal to the state level. Currently the federal Office of Child Support Services cooperates with state agencies and oversees the national child support system. Their mission is to ensure that children receive support from both parents, even when they live in separate households.

At the international level, the 1992 United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child is a binding convention signed by every member of the UN, including the United States. In short, it declares that the upbringing and development of children is the common responsibility of both parents, and an adequate standard of living is “a fundamental human right of children.” One might be surprised that this was codified into law so recently; it seems like a matter of common sense that children need someone to care for them, and an adequate standard of living.

Child support in Alabama

In Alabama, the Department of Human Resources offers assistance with child support issues, such as locating non-custodial parents, support orders, and the collection of child support payments. Although DHR’s mission has evolved over the years, it was initially founded in 1935 and continues to administer programs that aid families, such as ALL Kids health insurance, Child Protective Services, and Food Assistance. For most of our clients, their primary interaction with DHR is the Alabama Child Support Payment System, a program under the umbrella of DHR. That program facilitates the payments and disbursements for each parent that pays through their office. We always recommend that our clients pay through this system so that their payments are officially documented and the records are easy to access.

Okay, but how much will I pay?

Well, it depends. The guidelines for child support calculations rely on several figures: the income of each parent; the cost of childcare; the cost of health insurance; and the difference between each parent’s income. When all parties are totally transparent about their income and expenses, the answers are pretty straightforward. We often find ourselves, however, having to subpoena income and employment records for people who are uncooperative. We help both married, formerly married, and never-married parents get the information needed to get a correct answer.

That said, sometimes there are special circumstances that require a deviation. In some states, child support payments end upon the child’s turning 18. Here, the support continues until the child turns 19. However, if a child is disabled and will require lifetime support, that support may be extended indefinitely. There may be other mitigating circumstances, such as one parent being in prison and lacking income entirely. If one parent incurs significant travel expenses to exercise their visitation, this may result in an approved deviation from the standard. These deviations are usually negotiated by the parties’ attorneys and have to be approved by the judge. If you have unusual circumstances, this is certainly something to discuss with your attorney.

Anyone who has watched the cost of living increase knows that a child support payment that would have been sufficient in 2010 would likely not be nearly enough here in 2024. In addition to the overall changes in cost of living, one or both parents may see a significant change in income. If this happens in your situation, you can request the courts made a modification to your child support (either paid or received). We can help you assess whether the change is significant enough to go to court for a modification. We frequently assist clients with this process so that the numbers align more closely with the incomes and expenses of each parent.

What if I don’t pay my court-ordered child support?

If you are not paying your court-ordered support, you will find yourself in arrears. A person in arrears is facing not only interest charges, but can be taken to court for contempt. Many people who owe support have it automatically deducted from their paychecks and sent to the Alabama Child Support Payment Center to be sent to the other parent. This is a relatively easy, no-conflict way to make those payments. If you are in arrears, a portion of your pay may be garnished to go towards your debt. This can even happen if you move out-of-state. Your tax refund may also be garnished by the IRS, or a lien placed on your property. You will stay in arrears for as long as it takes to pay your debt, even if your children are grown and over 19.

In Alabama, parents who refuse to pay child support and have the ability to do so can be charged with criminal “nonsupport”, which could result in fines or a jail sentence. This is pretty uncommon, but it is on the books. Just something to be aware of!

At the federal level, there are circumstances in which a person in child support arrears may be sent to prison. There are several conditions on this; mainly it involves refusing to pay child support for a child who lives in another state. Being past due for a year or for more than $5000 is a criminal misdemeanor; being past due for two years or more than $10,000 is a criminal felony. In other words, if you are thinking of leaving the state to avoid child support? That turns your situation into a federal case.

However, this is only applicable in specific cases; the child support enforcement must be addressed at the local or state level before concerns are raised to the federal level.

How much can raising a kid actually cost?

Frequently, non-custodial parents will be angry and resentful that they are giving money to their child’s other parent. It may seem unfair, or like they’re providing money to the ex-partner for luxuries. However, it’s important to remember that raising children is very expensive. How much does it cost to raise a child born in Alabama this year? The estimates vary, but range from about $200,000 to $375,000. It’s easy for a non-custodial parent to not have a firm grasp on the day-to-day costs of raising a child, but the numbers don’t lie. Your child needs support from both parents to survive, and thrive.

If you’re feeling resentful about paying your child support, try to reframe the expense as feeding, clothing, and educating your child. Additionally, the best estimate right now is that the cost of replacing a full-time parent with a professional cook, cleaner, tutor, chauffeur, nanny, and nurse is estimated at around $115,000 a year. Raising children is expensive, and the primary caregiver is doing a lot of unpaid work. Truly, the way child support is calculated here is not unreasonable.

It may be hard to do this, but separating your child’s needs from your emotions about the end of your relationship with the other parent is going to lead to a better attitude about sharing expenses with them. We always recommend therapy or counseling to our clients going through difficult times, and this is certainly a topic to raise with yours. It’s best for everyone to approach the issue with an eye to what is best for your child.

As always, we are here to help. Whether the other party is an ex-spouse, ex-partner, or merely a co-parent, we know what steps to take to get an equitable child support and custody order in place. Give us a call at 251-432-7909 or request a consultation here on the website and we can get started.

Author: Jill Chancey

Jill Chancey is a New Orleans native who has called Mobile home since 2019. She attended Trinity University in San Antonio, majoring in Art History and English. She also has an MA and a PhD in Art History. After earning a certificate in Paralegal Studies, she pivoted to the legal profession after several decades as an art historian. In her free time she enjoys science fiction, art museums, and collecting and reselling vintage design.

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What is a No-Fault Divorce?

by Jill Chancey | Sep 3, 2024 | Alabama, Child Support, Custody, Divorce, Family, Family Law, Mobile

What is a No-Fault Divorce?

Simply speaking a no-fault divorce is one in which the parties are not required to give the court specific reasons for getting divorced. A couple can get divorced if they simply cannot get along anymore, rather than having to prove that one spouse did something wrong.

The no-fault divorce does not have to be an uncontested divorce, however. The law applies whether you are going to court or not. Here at Herlihy Family Law, we normally do not name any reasons other than incompatibility and breakdown of the marriage when we file a divorce complaint or agreement.

Understanding No-Fault Divorce

One concern people have when they come to us is whether they have to prove they have a legally approved reason to get divorced. In Alabama, you simply need to state that you’re incompatible, so there’s no need to give details to the court. In the past, some courts required proof that a marriage had failed for specific reasons to grant a divorce.

This might have consisted of providing proof of infidelity or abuse, for example. Luckily the law has determined that divorce is a personal decision and you don’t have to convince a stranger to let you get one.

A Brief History of No-Fault Divorce

Some people are concerned that no-fault divorce is a new idea that is contributing to the divorce rate. The first no-fault divorce law in the Western world was enacted in Prussia in 1757. In the modern era, no-fault divorces date back to the early 20^th century. And in the US, the first no-fault divorce law was enacted in 1969, over 50 years ago. Within ten years the no-fault option was nearly universal in the United States. The divorce rate in the US has actually fallen since the 1970s.

Regardless, one of the main advantages is that these laws can decrease the adversarial nature of a divorce. The previous model tended to increase conflict and even resulted in perjury and false accusations. For example, judges now do not need to determine whether a party has been unfaithful.

In the United States, every state permits no-fault divorce, although the requirements may vary. Some require a specific period of separation, for example. In Alabama, this is not the case. Alabama does require a six-month residency for at least one party. Fortunately, the pre-Civil War Alabama law that required the approval of both houses of the state legislature to grant a divorce is no longer on the books!

Benefits of a No-Fault Divorce

The no-fault option allows the parties to separate the negotiation process from the emotional desire to assign blame or be proven blameless. We know that both parties may be angry, or hurt, or feel betrayed. This doesn’t have to carry over into the divorce negotiation. The emotional side of divorce is better handled by experienced and trained counselors and therapists. Your attorneys are only qualified to handle the legal side of the matter.

If both parties are ready and willing to get divorced, they can choose an uncontested divorce. This is a great option for couples who are low-conflict and able to negotiate in good faith. If it’s possible to negotiate an agreement without going to court, it is far less expensive and time-consuming than a contested divorce through the courts. It’s also likely to result in less ongoing conflict.

Does a No-Fault Divorce Mean I Can’t Even Mention My Spouse’s Faults?

Not necessarily. In an uncontested divorce, your spouse’s faults are irrelevant and do not come into play at all. If the parties are not in agreement and choose a contested divorce, the court may consider bad behavior, such as domestic violence and drug or alcohol abuse, when the case comes to trial. No-fault divorce means neither party has to prove the accusations to actually get divorced.

They do, however, have to provide evidence to back up any accusations if they choose to bring these to the attention of the court and are asking for a decision based on these behaviors. This is most likely to come into play when children are involved, as the safety and well-being of the parties’ children come first in making custody decisions.

If there is evidence of mental illness that endangers the children, this could also become part of the case in a contested divorce. It is not enough to say the other party is being treated for a mental illness, though. Many people find themselves in need of help with depression and anxiety, for example, especially when they’re in a failing marriage.

What matters is that they are getting the help they need and are capable of being good parents. Simply seeing a therapist is not grounds for losing custody.

The Uncontested No-Fault Divorce

Why would you need an attorney to help in a no-fault uncontested divorce? There are two main parts to the process. We start by helping you negotiate your divorce agreement with the other party or their attorney. Once the agreement is in place, we then generate all of the documents required by the court and file them for you.

Sometimes both parties will be in perfect agreement about everything, so we don’t have to help negotiate at all. We draw up the documents, everybody signs, and we file them with the court. After 30 days, they will go to the judge for approval.

You might think (or hope!) that it’s as simple as filing one signed agreement, but several other documents must be filed. This can be up to 7 or 8 documents, depending on your circumstances.

At Herlihy Family Law we have many years of experience handling divorces in Mobile and Baldwin Counties and know exactly what the state, county, and individual judges require.

The Contested No-Fault Divorce

If the parties are not in agreement, your attorney will file a divorce complaint, or respond to your spouse’s. We then guide you through the whole process up to and including a court trial if it comes to that.

Even in the case of a contested divorce, you do not have to persuade a judge to allow you to get divorced. The judge’s job is to determine a fair and equitable agreement based on the law and the facts presented to him or her.

What if I Really Want an At-Fault Divorce?

It’s really not necessary to name and blame in most divorce cases. Consider whether you truly want all of your faults exposed as well, and whether you want all of the unpleasant details of your marriage on the record.

Playing the “blame game” is going to distract you both from the legal issues we are here to assist with. It’s also going to end up costing more money if your attorney has to get involved with proving (and defining!) infidelity, for example.

We do understand the desire to tell the world about your spouse’s terrible behavior; however, fault does not typically affect the outcome of the divorce as much as you might think it should.

Since I Don’t Have to Prove I Deserve a Divorce, What Do I Need to Consider to Move Forward?

The most difficult parts of a divorce agreement are often child custody and child support. You can search our blog for more information about these issues. Some agreement terms can be entirely individual, whereas others must conform to the statutes and standards.

For example, some statutes determine the amount of child support. This is based on a formula that takes into account both parties’ incomes, the cost of healthcare, and the cost of work-related childcare. The amount determined can be altered by agreement, but the judge will need a reason for the deviation from the formula.

The rest of the agreement covers property, assets, and debts. The goal here is an equitable distribution, which doesn’t necessarily mean a 50/50 split. Determining factors include the length of the marriage, what assets and debts a party brought into the marriage, and the income of both parties during the marriage. Pensions and retirement accounts are taken into consideration as well. This can also be very contentious, but we are experienced negotiators and handle this every day.

We also ensure that both parties come to an agreement about the division of personal property, cars and other vehicles, and their pets. (Yes, you can put your pets in your divorce agreement!).

Ready to Talk to an Attorney?

Call the office at 251-432-7909 to schedule a consultation, or go to the homepage of our website and click on “request a consultation.” We are open five days a week and can offer both in-person and Zoom meetings. In a consultation, you will discuss your case, your options, and our fees.

Author: Alison Herlihy

Family law attorney Alison Herlihy is a native of Mobile, Alabama. Alison has engaged in the private practice of family law since 2005, focusing primarily on domestic relations, divorce and child support, child custody law, adoption law, juvenile, probate practice, and wills.

Alison Baxter Herlihy earned the prestigious AV Preeminent peer review rating from Martindale-Hubbell, which recognizes attorneys for the highest levels of legal ability and professional ethical standards. Alison is a certified Guardian Ad Litem. In 2015, Alison became a Registered Mediator on the Alabama State Court Mediator Roster, in both general and domestic relations mediation.

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What is Sole Custody? Understanding the Basics.

by Alison Herlihy | Aug 19, 2024 | Alabama, Children, Custody, Divorce, Family Law

What is Sole Custody? Understanding the Basics.

1. Understanding Sole Custody

There are two types of custody: legal custody and physical custody. Legal custody refers to the parents’ rights and responsibilities for major decisions concerning the child, including, but not limited to, the education of the child, health care, and religious training. Physical custody who the child physically lives with.

2. Sole Custody vs Full Custody: Explained

“Full” custody is a very common term that we hear from clients; however, it is not a legal term under Alabama Law and can mean different things to different people. Alabama law differentiates between sole custody and joint custody, including sole versus joint legal custody and sole versus joint physical custody. It is important to know and understand the correct terminology when you are going into a divorce or custody case so you can fully understand the different options and their implications.

3. What Sole Custody Means for Parents

Sole Legal Custody means that one parent has sole rights and responsibilities to make major decisions concerning the child, including, but not limited to, the education of the child, health care, and religious training. It would be very unusual for Sole Legal Custody to be awarded in a modern court order, absent extreme circumstances such as the other parent being very dangerous.

Joint Legal Custody is fairly standard and what you would expect to see in most court orders today involving custody of children. Joint legal custody means that both parents have equal rights and responsibilities for major decisions concerning the child, including, but not limited to, the education of the child, health care, and religious training. The court may designate one parent to have sole power to make certain decisions while both parents retain equal rights and responsibilities for other decisions. Ideally, you are supposedly collaborate with the other parent and make joint decisions whenever possible.

Sole Physical Custody means that one parent has sole physical custody and the other parent has rights of visitation except as otherwise provided by the court.

Joint Physical Custody means that physical custody is shared by the parents in a way that assures the child frequent and substantial contact with each parent. Per the Alabama statute, joint physical custody does not necessarily mean physical custody of equal durations of time; however, the vast majority of the time, a court order that provides for joint physical custody means equal, 50/50 shared custody often on an alternating-week basis.

4. Decoding Sole Custody: Implications for Parents

Sole legal custody means that the parent who has it gets to make all the decisions about where the children go to school, where and when they go the doctor, etc. They do not have to involve the other parent in any of these decisions at all. Again, it would be a very rare and unusual circumstance that this would be ordered. It would typically only be in a situation where the other parent is completely absent or poses a very serious danger to the child.

Sole physical custody is much less extreme in reality even though the terminology does not sound great. As stated above, sole physical custody means that is who the child lives with the majority of the time.

5. Sole Physical Custody: Breaking it Down

Sole physical custody is the parent who the child lives with most of the time. It is the child’s home base, so to speak. The other parent will be awarded visitation. A typical visitation schedule will include alternate weekends, mid-week visitation, and a division of holidays and summer vacation. Parent are also free to deviate from the court-ordered visitation schedule if they both agree to do so.

If the visiting parent is not a fit parent to have the typical visitation schedule, the court can order restrictions on their visitation such as making it daytime-only or requiring drug or alcohol testing.

6. The Impact of Sole Custody on the Other Parent

Sole legal custody one parent has a lot of control over the children’s lives and what happens with them. That parent can choose to use their power to coparent effectively and facilitate a good relationship between the children and the other parent. If the other parent is a decent person and parent, this is going to be in the best interests of the children in the long run. Conversely, the parent with sole custody can choose to use their power to prevent the other parent from being involved in the children’s lives, such as not telling them about doctor’s appointments or school events and refusing to list them as a parent on paperwork involving the children. I would never recommend that a parent agree to give the other parent sole legal custody, absent very extreme and unusual circumstances.

If you have joint legal custody and the parent with physical custody tries to keep you out of the children’s lives in those ways, your joint legal custody gives you the power to go around them if necessary and get information and access directly through the school, medical providers etc. This is really important, especially if you and the other parent to do not get along.

Sole physical custody also means that the parent with custody only has to allow the visiting parent the visitation schedule that is in the court order. They can choose to allow extra visitation, but they do not have to. If you spouse presents you with a divorce or custody agreement they want you to sign, and they tell you don’t worry about what the schedule in the paperwork says, you need to proceed with extreme caution. If they make promises that they will allow more visitation, you have to keep in mind that they do not have to do anything that is not written down in the paperwork. It is possible they are well-intentioned, but it is also possible they are just trying to induce you into signing the papers by making promises they do not intend to keep. It is best for the visiting parent to have all their rights specifically written down in the divorce or custody order.

And of course, it is always best to get legal advice before you sign any kind of binding legal agreement to make sure that your rights are protected. You can call our office or click “request a consultation” here on our website to schedule an appointment with one of our divorce and family law attorneys.

Author: Alison Herlihy

Family law attorney Alison Herlihy is a native of Mobile, Alabama. Alison has engaged in the private practice of family law since 2005, focusing primarily on domestic relations, divorce and child support, child custody law, adoption law, juvenile, probate practice, and wills.

Alison Baxter Herlihy earned the prestigious AV Preeminent peer review rating from Martindale-Hubbell, which recognizes attorneys for the highest levels of legal ability and professional ethical standards. Alison is a certified Guardian Ad Litem. In 2015, Alison became a Registered Mediator on the Alabama State Court Mediator Roster, in both general and domestic relations mediation.

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5 Tips for Successful Co-Parenting

by Anna Eden | May 22, 2024 | Children, Custody, Divorce, Family

5 Tips for Successful Co-Parenting

Having a good co-parenting relationship with your ex is important for your children’s well-being. Most people don’t consider the fact that their relationship with their ex will continue well beyond their children reaching the age of majority.

A good co-parenting relationship will set your children up to have balanced, happy upbringings. Here are five tips to help ensure you and your ex-partner maintain a successful co-parenting relationship:

1. Always remember your children’s needs come first.

This tip is number one because it is the most important. Just because your relationship with your former partner did not work out, does not mean your children need to suffer for it.

Parents must be able to set aside their differences and show their children that their needs are what matters the most. Children will have the best opportunity to thrive in a peaceful, consistent, stable environment. Never use your child as a pawn or tool of manipulation against the other parent.

This will only lead to problems and will cause lasting trauma on your children. You all may no longer be a family unit, but you can still work as a team to make sure that your children are still surrounded by love and support.

2. Communicate respectfully with one another.

This is one of the most basic rules of co-parenting, and the way for it to be most successful is to understand how you and your ex-partner best communicate. Some former couples are only able to communicate via text, email, or other digital messaging platforms and that is perfectly acceptable.

Others can handle in-person discussions better. What’s important is making sure that whatever method of communication you
choose to utilize you keep open. It is detrimental to weaponize information regarding your children because the only ones ultimately hurt by this are your children.

No matter how upset you may be with the other parent, giving them the silent treatment or deliberately withholding information about your children is never the solution.

3. Try your best to stick to your new schedule/routine.

Sticking to your new visitation schedule will not only help you better organize your own time, but it will also help your children maintain a sense of stability and security. While flexibility is important, when necessary, constantly shifting and straying from your routine can cause your children to feel out of balance.

It is their routine and their life that ultimately suffer because they are the ones being shuffled from place to place. There are
always going to be circumstances where a plan must change, and it may be at the last minute, but that doesn’t need to be a habit.

Children need to know that they can count on where and who they’ll be with regularly to maintain stability.

4. Do not bad mouth the other parent.

It is commonly included in divorce or custody agreements that neither parent will disparage the other, or allow others to do so, in front of their children. This can be difficult to follow and enforce, though, because when someone has made your life difficult it is natural to want to vent about their behavior.

Doing this in front of your children, though, can have some pretty serious consequences. When you speak negatively about the other parent, you’re teaching your children that it is okay to be disrespectful, and whether you intend to or not, you are shifting your children’s
perceptions of the other parent.

Instead, save your venting for a friend or therapist, and try to make more of an effort to highlight your co-parent’s good qualities. This will make your children feel safe and comfortable speaking about the parent who isn’t present without hurting your feelings.

5. Leave your children out of adult decisions.

It can be challenging for newly single parents to blur the parent/child relationship line and make the mistake of treating their children like a friend – especially if any of their children are older and more independent. However, bouncing decisions off children or discussing adult topics with them can lead to an imbalance in the parent/child relationship dynamic.

When children have too much power and input in adult decisions it can lead to poor choices by the children, loss of respect for the parent (or other adults), and an increase in their stress and anxiety levels. Kids are meant to be kids.

Allow them to have a voice when it is appropriate, but make sure you are not involving them in adult topics, like finances or parenting issues.

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Author: Anna Eden

Attorney Anna Eden is a native of Mobile, Alabama. Prior to joining Herlihy Family Law, Anna worked as a law clerk for Circuit Court Judges Michael Windom and Michael Sherman. It was during her time clerking for Judge Sherman that Anna discovered her passion for helping people navigate the complex and emotional issues involved in family law.

Anna aids in the representation of individuals across a variety of family law issues, including divorce and child support, juvenile law, child custody law, probate, and wills.

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3 Common visitation schedules in divorce in Mobile, AL

by Walter Gewin | Mar 25, 2024 | Alabama, Children, Custody, Divorce, Family, Family Law, Mobile, Visitation

3 Common visitation schedules in divorce in Mobile, AL

While divorces are far from one size fits all, there are a few common visitation schedules in divorce in Mobile, AL.

In uncontested divorces and divorces settled by agreements, visitation schedules can vary according to the terms the parties agree upon.

Also in the event the visiting party is found to be on drugs or dangerous, visitation can be restricted to supervised visitation, daytime only, or supervised visitation at the Family Center.

Absent extenuating circumstances just mentioned and assuming that a divorce case proceeds to trial, visitation schedules are often as follows in Mobile, AL:

Standard Visitation

Both of our judges in Mobile, AL have a standard visitation schedule wherein one parent has physical custody and the other parent has “standard visitation.”

This visitation schedule is the most commonly utilized type of visitation schedule in Mobile. The visiting parent has the child(ren) every other weekend Thursday through Sunday, and the weeks that the visiting parent does not have weekend visitation, they have visitation from the release of school on Thursday through return to school Friday morning.

Additionally, with standard visitation, the parents divide the holidays. Each parent has a week with the child(ren) during Christmas break, alternating which parent gets the first or second week of Christmas break every other year.

The visiting parent also has alternate year spring break and Thanksgiving break with the child(ren). For summer, each parent has the child(ren) for one month, with the custodial parent having the kid(s) for the first two weeks of June and the first two weeks of July, and the visiting parent having the last two weeks of June and July.

Additionally, the child(ren) are with the mother on Mother’s Day weekend and with the father on Father’s Day weekend.

Joint Physical Custody

If parties receive joint physical custody of their child(ren), the parties typically rotate the custody of the kid(s) on a weekly basis.

Joint custody visitation may then be further expounded upon to give the parties a larger amount of uninterrupted visitation in the summer, designated time with the child(ren) on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, specified Christmas Eve/Day visitation, and alternate Thanksgiving and spring break visitation.

Joint Custody is not the standard visitation schedule for divorces in Mobile, AL, however both of our Judges have been known to order Joint Physical Custody in certain cases at their discretion.

Out of State Visitation

Should the visiting parent live out of state, the visiting parent’s visitation will more than likely resemble some form of out-of-state visitation.

This visitation schedule allows for regularly scheduled visits for the visiting parent as well as accommodation for the visiting parent if the visiting parent makes additional efforts to visit the child(ren) in the city where the child(ren) resides.

In this visitation schedule, one parent has physical custody and the other has visitation.

The visiting, nonresident parent typically has visitation one weekend per month from Friday to Sunday, to be exercised in the city in which the child(ren) reside, provided the non-custodial parent shall provide 7 days’ notice to the custodial parent of their intent to exercise said visitation.

In the summer the visiting parent often will be allotted a larger amount of summer visitation, such as 6 weeks, due to the longer distance between them and the home of the minor child(ren) and the ability of the kid(s) to visit due to school not being in session.

The visiting parent also gets a week with the minor child(ren) at Christmas, alternate Thanksgiving, and alternate spring breaks.

Additionally, often the visiting parent will also get the ability to visit with the kid(s) any other time when the visiting parent is in the hometown of the child(ren) provided he gives notice beforehand, said visit is no longer than 48 hours, and said visit will not interfere with the kid(s) school.

Again, the facts in every divorce are unique and Judges can tailor custody and visitation as needed. While these are the most common visitation schedules that result from divorces in Mobile, AL, every case is different.

Judgments of Divorce are final and the terms therein regarding custody and visitation last until the children become adults.

Author: Walter Gewin

Attorney Walter Gewin is a native of Mobile, Alabama. After graduation from law school, Walter clerked for Circuit Court Judge John Lockett before pursuing a career in the private practice of law. Initially, practicing a wide variety of law; Walter’s practice has become more focused on family law, including juvenile, probate, and domestic relations matters. Walter also currently serves as a certified Guardian Ad Litem in Dependency, Delinquency, and Domestic Relations matters.

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