In Episode 7 of the Herlihy Family Law Podcast, attorney Alison Herlihy is joined by fellow family law attorney Walter Gewin to tackle some of the most common misconceptions people have about divorce, custody, and child support. Drawing on their extensive experience practicing family law in Alabama, they unpack the reality behind these persistent myths to help clients make informed decisions during difficult times.

Myth #1: Moving out means you lose your share of the house.

Many believe that leaving the marital home equals forfeiting ownership. In reality, moving out does not automatically impact your property rights. Courts consider various factors when dividing assets, such as the duration of the marriage, income, and contributions—not just who remained in the home.

Myth #2: If your spouse doesn’t pay child support, you can withhold visitation—and vice versa.

Child support and visitation are separate legal obligations. Failing to pay support doesn’t grant the other parent the right to withhold visitation, and withholding visitation doesn’t justify skipping payments. Both actions can lead to contempt of court.

Myth #3: If your spouse cheats, you automatically get everything in the divorce.

Infidelity can be a factor in a divorce, but it rarely determines the entire outcome. Courts weigh many considerations—like financial circumstances and the length of the marriage—when dividing assets. Adultery may influence decisions, but it doesn’t result in a financial windfall.

Myth #4: You can cut your child support in half when one child turns 18.

Child support is based on a specific formula, not a casual estimate. Unilaterally reducing payments can lead to legal trouble, including judgments and accruing interest. Also, in Alabama, the age of majority is 19—not 18—and support may continue longer in cases of disability.

Myth #5: Occasional marijuana or alcohol use means automatic loss of custody.

Use of substances like alcohol or cannabis doesn’t inherently mean a parent loses custody. Courts are concerned with how behavior affects the child. If substance use doesn’t pose a direct risk or result in neglectful parenting, it’s unlikely to be a deciding factor.

Myth #6: Adultery automatically disqualifies someone from custody.

Custody decisions focus on the child’s best interest. Having an affair doesn’t automatically make someone an unfit parent unless the circumstances—such as exposing the child to harmful individuals—pose a safety concern.

Myth #7: Whoever gets custody gets to keep the house.

Retaining the marital home depends on the financial ability to refinance and buy out the other party’s equity, not just who has custody. The home is typically a couple’s largest asset and must be fairly divided.

Myth #8: You can force your spouse to pay your attorney’s fees up front.

Courts may award attorney’s fees, but upfront payment is rare. Fees are usually awarded at the end of a case, depending on factors like income disparity or misconduct during litigation—not simply because one party requests it.

Myth #9: Seeing a therapist will cost you custody.

Seeking mental health support is not a liability in court. In fact, getting help during a divorce is often viewed positively. Only in extreme cases—where a parent poses a danger to themselves or others—might therapy records negatively influence custody.

Myth #10: You get more money because your ex is a jerk.

Divorce court isn’t about punishing someone for being unpleasant. Asset division is based on the facts of the case and equitable principles—not personality assessments or claims of being difficult.

Myth #11: Children can choose where to live at a certain age.

There’s no magic age where a child gets to decide custody. In Alabama, a child’s preference can be considered if they are mature enough, but it’s just one factor among many. Ultimately, the court determines custody based on what’s in the child’s best interest.

Myth #12: The court will automatically enforce the order after your case ends.

Once a custody or support order is in place, the court doesn’t proactively monitor compliance. If one party doesn’t follow the order, the other must take steps—such as filing for contempt—to enforce it.

Don’t Navigate Divorce on Myths Alone

Misunderstandings about family law can lead to costly mistakes. For reliable legal guidance, listen to Episode 7 of the Herlihy Family Law Podcast, where experienced attorneys provide clarity on these common myths. To learn more or schedule a consultation, visit herlihyfamilylaw.com.

In Episode 6 of the Herlihy Family Law Podcast, Attorney Alison Herlihy dives into the essential role of parenting coordinators in divorce and custody cases, welcoming Caroline Taylor, an experienced parenting coordinator, as her guest. With a background in child development and counseling, Caroline brings years of expertise in helping families navigate conflict and build healthier co-parenting dynamics. This episode sheds light on how parenting coordinators support families, the unique challenges they address, and the benefits they provide.

What Is a Parenting Coordinator?

A parenting coordinator is a neutral third party who works with families in high-conflict divorce or custody cases to improve communication, resolve disagreements, and create practical parenting solutions. Unlike mediators, who focus on facilitating agreements during a single session, parenting coordinators take a more ongoing role, addressing conflicts as they arise and working toward long-term solutions. Parenting coordinators also differ from guardians ad litem, who advocate specifically for the child’s best interests in court. Instead, parenting coordinators aim to balance the needs of the entire family system.

In Alabama, there is no specific statute defining the role of parenting coordinators, meaning their responsibilities can vary depending on the court order or agreement. Generally, they assist with decisions about parenting duties, such as extracurricular activities, schedules, and communication strategies. In cases of impasse, they may even make recommendations to the court based on their observations.

When Are Parenting Coordinators Used?

Parenting coordinators are typically brought into cases involving high conflict, where parents struggle to reach agreements on their own. These cases often involve repeated court modifications, substance abuse concerns, or mental health challenges. However, parenting coordinators can also play a valuable role in collaborative divorces, where parents aim to create a cooperative parenting plan without litigation. By facilitating communication and offering structured guidance, parenting coordinators help parents avoid frequent court appearances and focus on the well-being of their children.

Key Issues Parenting Coordinators Address

One of the primary areas parenting coordinators focus on is improving communication between parents. Divorce often stems from a breakdown in communication, and rebuilding this foundation is crucial for effective co-parenting. Parenting coordinators work to establish a business-like, emotion-free approach to communication, helping parents shift their focus from interpersonal conflicts to problem-solving for the benefit of their children.

Other issues that parenting coordinators address include:

• Navigating substance abuse or mental health challenges within the family.
• Managing supervised visitation arrangements and monitoring progress.
• Collaborating with therapists, attorneys, and other professionals to create a cohesive plan for the family.
• Offering solutions for day-to-day parenting conflicts, such as scheduling or decision-making about extracurricular activities.

By fostering a solutions-oriented approach, parenting coordinators help families create a new structure and set of rules to follow after divorce or custody modifications.

The Benefits of Parenting Coordination

Parenting coordinators offer numerous benefits for families navigating tough situations. They provide a faster, more efficient alternative to court hearings for resolving conflicts, which can be especially important in cases involving complex family dynamics. Additionally, they help establish a healthier co-parenting framework, reducing the emotional toll on children and creating a stable environment for them to thrive.

Another key benefit is the objectivity that parenting coordinators bring to the process. While their role may not always feel “fair” to both parents, it is always focused on what is best for the family as a whole, particularly the children. This objectivity can also serve as valuable evidence for the court, should the need arise.

Preparing to Work with a Parenting Coordinator

To make the most of parenting coordination, parents should approach the process with an open mind and a willingness to compromise. It’s important to recognize that parenting coordination is not therapy—it’s a practical, problem-solving process. Parents should come prepared with clear ideas about their positions but also be ready to collaborate for the benefit of their family.

When selecting a parenting coordinator, it’s essential to vet their education, training, and experience. In Alabama, where no specific statute governs the role, parents should ensure their chosen coordinator adheres to professional guidelines and has the necessary qualifications.

Final Thoughts

Parenting coordinators play a vital role in helping families navigate high-conflict custody and divorce cases. By fostering communication, offering practical solutions, and keeping the focus on the children, they provide families with the tools to move forward in a healthier, more cooperative way.

If you’re facing family law challenges and want to learn more about parenting coordination, tune in to the Herlihy Family Law Podcast. You can also contact Herlihy Family Law for expert legal guidance or reach out to Caroline Taylor for parenting coordination services. Visit herlihyfamilylaw.com or call 251-432-7909 to take the first step toward a better future for your family.