Making Blended Families Work During the Holidays

Making Blended Families Work During the Holidays

After going through a divorce or re-marriage, many changes can take place. Making things work for a new blended family does come with tests, but they do not have to be difficult. With the holiday closing in a blended family may run into a few challenges. These challenges can be countless, but they do not have to be terrible.

Below are tips on how to help your blended family work and to ensure a happy holiday season:

Focus on the children: Be sure to keep your focus on making the holidays pleasant for your children. You do not want your own hatreds or frustrations to be brought up.
Plan Ahead: Plan your schedule early. Ask each family member to participate in the planning and decision making. This is just another great way to bring the family closer.
Be patient and communicate: Remember this is something new for not just you but the children as well. Children may not quite understand the choices that were made. Certain feelings of confusion, jealously, insecurity, and more are all something a child can feel in a blended family. This is why it is important to be patient with the child and give them time to adapt.
Never make the child choose: It is never a good idea to try and compete with your children’s “other” parents. Try to be on the same page about gift giving and other expenses when it comes to the children.
Blend old traditions with the new traditions: This is important for a blended family. Incorporating old traditions with the new ones can help. This is a way to help bond the family together.
Share feelings: Allowing everyone to share their feelings can be beneficial. The holidays can sometimes bring up all different emotions. Allow the children to be open and honest with their feelings. Once the feelings are out there, you can help them move past them and focus on the future.

What is Mediation?

What is Mediation?

When it comes to getting a divorce not everything has to be a knock-down, drawn-out affair for both parties. Divorce mediation can help avoid court and resolve numerous questions. Mediation is one of the most frequently used methods of alternative dispute resolution when it comes to negotiating a divorce settlement.

Here are a few facts about Mediation that will help answer common questions about the process.

What is Mediation? Mediation is used to settle disputes when two parties are unable to agree or settle a disagreement. It is not binding unless an agreement is reached.

What is a mediator? In mediation, several people will be present such as, the parties, their attorneys, and the mediator. A mediator is a neutral party that is specially trained to help the parties create a fair and reasonable divorce agreement. The goal for every mediator is to reach an agreement that both parties are happy with, or that they can at least live with.

What is discussed in Mediation? Several divorce matters are discussed while in mediation. You and your soon to be ex-spouse need to decide more than a few important issues. The most common issues that are discussed are: distribution of property/assets/liabilities, child custody, child support, retirement, taxes, and more.

How long does mediation take? The length of mediation can vary on what issues have to be agreed upon. Also, the length of time spent in mediation can be determined by you and your spouse’s willingness to cooperate and come up with an agreement. Divorce mediation can be completed in as little as a couple of hours to an entire day.

What happens after Mediation? Depending on if both parties have come to an agreement or not will determine what will happen after mediation. In most cases, mediation results in the parties leaving with a written and signed agreement. The agreement will lay out every detail that the parties agreed on. The agreement is then filed in the Court and will be ratified by a Judge.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Domestic Violence is an issue that knows no racial, cultural, gender or socioeconomic boundaries. Chances are, we all know someone whose life has been effected by domestic violence. In October 1987, the first Domestic Violence Awareness Month was observed. That same year marks the initiation of the first national domestic violence toll-free hotline. The purpose of DVAM is to mourn those who have died as a result of domestic violence, celebrate survivors, and connect those working to end domestic violence.

Here are some statistics from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence:

NATIONAL STATISTICS

  • Every 9 seconds in the US, a woman is assaulted or beaten
  • On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men
  • 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of [some form of] physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime
  • 1 in 5 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime
  • 1 in 7 women and 1 in 18 men have been stalked by an intimate partner during their lifetime to the point in which they felt very fearful or believed that they or someone close to them would be harmed or killed
  • On a typical day, there are more than 20,000 phone calls placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide
  • The presence of a gun in a domestic violence situation increases the risk of homicide by 500%.
  • Intimate partner violence accounts for 15% of all violent crime
  • Women between the ages of 18-24 are most commonly abused by an intimate partner
  • 19% of domestic violence involves a weapon
  • Domestic victimization is correlated with a higher rate of depression and suicidal behavior
  • Only 34% of people who are injured by intimate partners receive medical care for their injuries

RAPE

  • 1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men in the United States has been raped in their lifetime
  • Almost half of female (46.7%) and male (44.9%) victims of rape in the United States were raped by an acquaintance.
  • Of these, 45.4% of female rape victims and 29% of male rape victims were raped by an intimate partner

STALKING

19.3 million women and 5.1 million men in the United States have been stalked in their lifetime.1 60.8% of female stalking victims and 43.5% men reported being stalked by a current or former intimate partner

HOMICIDE

A study of intimate partner homicides found that 20% of victims were not the intimate partners themselves, but family members, friends, neighbors, persons who intervened, law enforcement responders, or bystanders
72% of all murder-suicides involve an intimate partner; 94% of the victims of these murder suicides are female

CHILDREN AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

1 in 15 children are exposed to intimate partner violence each year, and 90% of these children are eyewitnesses to this violence

ECONOMIC IMPACT

  • Victims of intimate partner violence lose a total of 8.0 million days of paid work each year
  • The cost of intimate partner violence exceeds $8.3 billion per year
  • Between 21-60% of victims of intimate partner violence lose their jobs due to reasons stemming from the abuse
  • Between 2003 and 2008, 142 women were murdered in their workplace by their abuser, 78% of women killed in the workplace during this timeframe

PHYSICAL/MENTAL IMPACT

Women abused by their intimate partners are more vulnerable to contracting HIV or other STI’s due to forced intercourse or prolonged exposure to stress

Studies suggest that there is a relationship between intimate partner violence and depression and suicidal behavior.7
Physical, mental, and sexual and reproductive health effects have been linked with intimate partner violence including adolescent pregnancy, unintended pregnancy in general, miscarriage, stillbirth, intrauterine hemorrhage, nutritional deficiency, abdominal pain and other gastrointestinal problems, neurological disorders, chronic pain, disability, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), as well as noncommunicable diseases such as hypertension, cancer and cardiovascular diseases. Victims of domestic violence are also at higher risk for developing addictions to alcohol, tobacco, or drugs.

If you or someone you know needs help, please reach out to one of our excellent local resources:

Penelope House (Mobile County)
www.penelopehouse.org
24 Hour Crisis Hotline: 251-342-8994

The Lighthouse (Baldwin County)
www.abeacon.org
24 Crisis Hotline: 251-947-6008 or 800-650-6522

Penelope House has a number of events scheduled for DVAM. Coming up on October 26th, if you dine at Five Guys Burgers on Airport Boulevard, a portion of all sales will be donated to Penelope House. See their website for more information on events.

Social Media Do’s and Don’ts

Social Media Do’s and Don’ts

In the world today there are countless means of communication with others. Thanks to social media websites the world is more connected than ever. Websites such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, Snapchat and more we are able to reconnect with your first love, childhood best friend, or college buddy. Unfortunately, with social media websites people can discover information you did not want them to.

If you are in the process of a divorce, child custody, and/or support case you should be cautious when using social media. You should think of social media activity as both public and permanent. If used properly social media can be entertaining and innocent but, if it is not used correctly it can be damaging to your case.

Here are some helpful tips to think about when using social media while going through a divorce, child custody, and/or support case.

1. DO NOT post pictures or comments revealing a wild, or out of control party lifestyle.

2. DO NOT post negatively about your Ex, your Ex’s family, your Ex’s attorney, or the Judge. Negativity will get you nowhere.

3. DO NOT post pictures of lavish vacations, fancy cars, new motorcycles, or luxury items (especially if child support is an issue).

4. DO NOT post status about your new boyfriend/girlfriend, particularly when your divorce is not finalized.

5. DO NOT post a profile on a dating website.

6. DO be selective about the information you share. Remember to think twice about what you post, even the smallest comments can be used against you in a divorce or custody/support case.

7. DO try and be positive, yet realistic. Posting negative, pessimistic, discouraging things about yourself can only hurt your case in the long run.

8. DO pay close attention to the photos your friends are posting of you or tagging you in. Your page is not the only one that could be monitored.