How can alcohol use affect a divorce?

How can alcohol use affect a divorce?

How can alcohol use affect a divorce?

It is Mardi Gras season here in Mobile, Alabama and, while we all enjoy a little revelry, there is no denying the fact that alcohol use often turns into alcohol misuse and even alcohol abuse. You may be wondering how can alcohol use can affect a divorce?

 

Did you know that heavy alcohol use is very strongly correlated with divorce?

 

In other words, if one spouse is a heavy drinker or has an alcohol use disorder, the couple is much more likely to get divorced.

Studies have shown that 50% of people with an alcohol use disorder get divorced at some point in their lives, whereas only 30% of people without an alcohol use disorder get divorced.

Divorce and Alcohol Abuse go hand-in-hand in other ways as well.  Divorce is one of the most stressful and traumatic life events that anyone can go through, and a lot of people turn to alcohol as a coping mechanism during times of extreme stress.

Alcohol may seem like a quick fix but it is more harmful than helpful as a coping mechanism.

When you are going through a divorce, your sleep is likely to be disrupted – Alcohol makes that worse.  Divorce can also cause feelings of depression, anxiety, shame, and anger – Alcohol exacerbates all of those feelings.

If there is domestic violence in your marriage – Alcohol almost always makes violence more severe.

 

How do you know if you or your spouse has an alcohol problem?  Here are a few common signs:

  • History of alcohol-related arrests, particularly traffic offenses such as DUIs.
  • Difficulty maintaining employment
  • Interpersonal relationship issues in a variety of contexts such as family, friends, and coworkers
  • Medical issues that could be addressed by reducing or eliminating alcohol consumption
  • Excessive spending on alcohol
  • Making or changing plans to accommodate alcohol use
  • Refusing to stop drinking even when it causes a detrimental effect on the person’s well-being and the well-being of others around them
  • Family and friends have raised concerns about your drinking

 

If you are concerned that you may be turning to alcohol as a coping mechanism too much or if your spouse has accused you of having an alcohol problem, the best thing you can do is to stop drinking.

If you are unable to do that on your own, seek help.  If you have any concerns that you are physically dependent on alcohol, you must have medical supervision to stop drinking as your health can become significantly endangered.

If you feel strongly that your spouse has an alcohol use disorder, and they refuse to seek help or stop drinking, your only option may be to get divorced for your own well-being and maybe even your safety.

 

How does alcohol use affect a divorce?

 

If one spouse in a divorce has an alcohol use disorder, the Court has the discretion to conclude that they are at fault for the breakdown of the marriage.

If the Court finds that one spouse is at fault, then they may sanction that spouse by awarding them a smaller share of the marital estate or ordering them to pay the other spouse’s attorney’s fees.

 

If you have minor children, a parent’s abuse or misuse of alcohol can be a very significant factor in your case.

 

In a divorce, the best interests of the children are of paramount importance.  The Court will not want to place the children in a situation that is dangerous; however, if you have concerns that your spouse’s drinking is dangerous, you will have to be able to prove it.

Possible sources of proof include your testimony, the eyewitness testimony of others, criminal records, financial records, medical records, photos, videos, audio recordings, and text messages.

If there is a concern that the person will still drink even if Court-ordered not to, the Court can put alcohol monitoring in place through Soberlink or a similar program.

 

In general, alcohol abuse and misuse make divorce even more difficult than it already is.

 

If your spouse has the problem, then they are very likely to make the divorce more contentious and difficult than it already is.  If you have the problem, then you are making an already challenging situation even more challenging for yourself, and you need to seek help if you cannot quit on your own.

Even if you don’t have a problem, there are much healthier coping mechanisms than alcohol, such as therapy, exercise, quality time with loved ones, and getting enough sleep.

The metaphor I often use with clients is that alcohol during a divorce is like pouring gasoline on a fire.  For your own mental health, physical safety, and the well-being of your children if you have children, avoid alcohol during your divorce if you have any questions or concerns about your alcohol use.

If you think you need help or are seeking help for a loved one with an alcohol use disorder, you can call the National Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration at 800-662-4357 to obtain confidential help from public health agencies to find substance use treatment and information.

_DevinFord-HerlihyFamilyLaw-03202023061RTcrop

Author: Alison Herlihy

Family law attorney Alison Herlihy is a native of Mobile, Alabama. Alison has engaged in the private practice of family law since 2005, focusing primarily on domestic relations, divorce and child support, child custody law, adoption law, juvenile, probate practice, and wills.

Alison Baxter Herlihy earned the prestigious AV Preeminent peer review rating from Martindale-Hubbell, which recognizes attorneys for the highest levels of legal ability and professional ethical standards. Alison is a certified Guardian Ad Litem. In 2015, Alison became a Registered Mediator on the Alabama State Court Mediator Roster, in both general and domestic relations mediation.  

4 Signs That it is Time to Get Divorced

4 Signs That it is Time to Get Divorced

4 Signs That it is Time to Get Divorced

How do you know when it is time to get divorced? There are several signs that it is time to get divorced and we will cover four of the most common signs of divorce in this article.

Divorce is one of the most serious and difficult decisions you can make, and only you can decide if you are ready to get divorced.  Even though every case and every marriage is different, we have seen a lot of common themes over the years that indicate it is time to get divorced.

 

Here are four signs that it is time to get divorced:

 

Winning is everything

Believe it or not, it is normal for couples to argue from time to time.  In fact, it may be a concerning sign if you never argue!

If your arguments get to the point that solving the issue at hand is not the goal, but rather winning and shifting blame is all that matters, then it may be time to get divorced.

Being willing to work hard to resolve your disagreements and come to a mutual resolution is a sign of a healthy relationship.

 

Just a few examples:

  • If your partner constantly criticizes you and nothing you ever do is good enough, even though they are not perfect.
  • If you or your partner becomes focused more on evidence and facts rather than feelings; i.e. you cannot communicate your unhappiness and stress without them bringing receipts to prove your feelings are wrong.
  • If you raise an issue or concern and they immediately change the subject to shift blame to you, such as “I only yelled at you because you won’t clean up the kitchen!”
  • Whataboutism – every time you raise an issue of concern they are ready with a laundry list of everything they think you have ever done wrong.

 

If you and/or your partner would rather be right than happy, it may be time to get divorced.

 

Avoidance and Absence

If you and your partner are coexisting in the same space and not communicating, it may be time to get divorced.  In a partnership, your partner is your go-to person that you can confide in and lean on when times get tough.

If you don’t want to confide in them or lean on them, or you can’t, that is a sign that your relationship is over.  You may find yourselves wanting to get emotional support from others, or not wanting to check in with them on how they are doing.  They don’t answer the phone when you call or respond to your texts.

Basic communication and courtesy break down or no longer exists.  That might mean your heart, or theirs, is not in the marriage anymore.

If you or your partner choose to change your habits so that you are physically not around each other as much, that can also be a sign that it is time to get divorced.

For instance, if your partner faithfully got home at 5:30pm for years and now they never get home until after the kids are in bed, that can be a sign that they do not want to be home and that their attention is elsewhere.

Or, they become so invested in spending time on their hobbies or friends to the extent that they are neglecting their time with their spouse and/or their children.

People can choose to withdraw themselves from a marriage by both avoidance and their physical absence.  If this is your situation, it may be time to get divorced.

 

Physical violence

Once things are at the point where conflicts escalate to physical violence, that is a good sign that it is time to get divorced.

Everyone has the right to physical safety as a basic need, especially in their own home, and if that cannot be guaranteed in your marriage then the marriage is not a healthy one.

If you and/or your spouse think it is a good idea to resolve marital conflicts with violence, it is probably best for both of you to go your separate ways with a divorce, not only because of the physical and mental risk of harm, but also because of the risk of legal repercussions.

To some of us, it may seem extremely obvious that physical violence is a sign that it is time to get divorced.

However, there are a multitude of reasons that people do not leave violent situations.  They may be financially dependent on the perpetrator or afraid to leave.

Many people have grown up in homes where violence is a regular occurrence, so when violence occurs in their relationship, it may not be obvious to them that it is time to get divorced because violence was so normalized in their family of origin.

Most importantly, if you have children, you have to consider what kind of relationships you are modeling for them.  If your children are growing up with the lesson that love and violence go hand in hand, then it is time to go your separate ways and file for divorce.

 

Your therapist or marriage counselor tells you to get out

Most therapists or marriage counselors want to give their clients the tools and coping mechanisms to solve their problems and find their path toward a happy and fulfilling life.  They are not there to tell you what to do.

If your therapist tells you it is time to get divorced for your well-being, you should seriously consider their concerns.

A marriage counselor sees both spouses and is there to try and help the spouses mend their relationship and save their marriage.

If a marriage counselor takes you aside and tells you it would be in your best interests to end the relationship, that can be a really strong sign that it is time to file for divorce.

_DevinFord-HerlihyFamilyLaw-03202023061RTcrop

Author: Alison Herlihy

Family law attorney Alison Herlihy is a native of Mobile, Alabama. Alison has engaged in the private practice of family law since 2005, focusing primarily on domestic relations, divorce and child support, child custody law, adoption law, juvenile, probate practice, and wills.

Alison Baxter Herlihy earned the prestigious AV Preeminent peer review rating from Martindale-Hubbell, which recognizes attorneys for the highest levels of legal ability and professional ethical standards. Alison is a certified Guardian Ad Litem. In 2015, Alison became a Registered Mediator on the Alabama State Court Mediator Roster, in both general and domestic relations mediation.  

How can I get divorced if I can’t afford a lawyer?

How can I get divorced if I can’t afford a lawyer?

How can I get divorced if I can’t afford a lawyer?

We get it – Divorce is expensive.  Hiring a lawyer and litigating your case all the way to trial can cost thousands of dollars.  Not everyone has thousands of extra dollars sitting around waiting to pay a lawyer.

Here at Herlihy Family Law, we pride ourselves on providing a highly customized, concierge level of service, guiding our clients every step of the way from their initial consultation through their final order and sometimes even beyond.

However, we appreciate and understand that level of service may be out of reach to some clients due to the expense involved, so we have developed some new, lower-cost options to serve clients who still deserve excellence but at a more approachable price point.

 

What are these options?

 

Do-It-Yourself Uncontested Divorce

 

An Uncontested Divorce is filed based on an agreement signed by both parties, which includes all items that need to be addressed in the divorce, from division of assets, to the sale of the homeplace, and payment of debts.

You may have heard of national companies that sell various legal documents, from uncontested divorces to wills to incorporation documents.

This idea sounds great in theory, but we have represented many clients who have purchased uncontested divorce documents from one of these companies, only to find the documents are not in compliance with state and local rules. They end up having to hire us to fix the incorrect paperwork and often end up spending more money.

 

To address this problem, we have developed a package that you can purchase from Herlihy Family Law if you are filing an uncontested divorce in Mobile County, Alabama, with no minor children involved.

 

Our uncontested divorce package is in compliance with state and local rules and we provide you with instructions on how to complete and file the forms yourself.

This option works best for people who do not have complicated assets, or maybe even have no joint assets with their spouse, and feel that they do not need legal advice, they just need a divorce!

 

As of December 2023, we are excited to offer this package for $500.

 

Again, this option involves purchasing the forms required to file your own uncontested divorce, but it does not include legal advice or representation.

 

Limited Scope Representation

 

Herlihy Family Law is also now offering limited scope representation.  Limited Scope Representation means that you are being represented by an attorney but only in a limited and specified capacity, which is agreed upon by the lawyer and client in advance.

Limited Scope Representation could be beneficial to you if you have a contested divorce case, where there is not an agreement between the parties on how to resolve the divorce, but you do not have sufficient funds to retain a lawyer to take your case all the way to trial.

Our Limited Scope Representation package includes the drafting of your initial complaint or motion, if you are the Plaintiff, or your answer and counterclaim, if you are the Defendant.

It also includes the preparation of discovery questions for you to send to the opposing party to answer, as well as the preparation of your discovery answers if discovery was sent to you.

In general terms, “discovery” is questions you have to answer and documents to have to provide regarding your income, assets, debts, specific allegations you are making, and evidence that you may use in a contested divorce or other family law case.

Even if you feel capable of representing yourself at trial, it can be extremely difficult to get through the discovery process without legal help.

 

Limited Scope Representation does not include Herlihy Family Law filing anything with the Court for you, or any communication with the opposing party, nor would we appear in court on your behalf.

 

As of December 2023, this Limited Scope Representation Package will be available for a flat fee of $2500.

 

If you are interested in learning more about these lower-cost options from Herlihy Family Law, please call our office at 251-432-7909.

_DevinFord-HerlihyFamilyLaw-03202023061RTcrop

Author: Alison Herlihy

Family law attorney Alison Herlihy is a native of Mobile, Alabama. Alison has engaged in the private practice of family law since 2005, focusing primarily on domestic relations, divorce and child support, child custody law, adoption law, juvenile, probate practice, and wills.

Alison Baxter Herlihy earned the prestigious AV Preeminent peer review rating from Martindale-Hubbell, which recognizes attorneys for the highest levels of legal ability and professional ethical standards. Alison is a certified Guardian Ad Litem. In 2015, Alison became a Registered Mediator on the Alabama State Court Mediator Roster, in both general and domestic relations mediation.  

What is the difference between divorce and a legal separation?

What is the difference between divorce and a legal separation?

What is the difference between divorce and a legal separation?

Divorce is a big decision – no, it’s a huge decision. Understandably, we often see clients who come in for an initial consultation who are unsure about whether to take the big step of filing for divorce. Many clients ask whether they should consider a legal separation. If you are wondering what is the difference between divorce and a legal separation, this article will explain what makes these two options different.

 

What is legal separation anyway?

The Alabama Code provides for legal separation at Ala. Code §30-2-40, which states as follows:

(a) The court shall enter a decree of legal separation if all of the following requirements are satisfied:

(1) The court determines that the jurisdictional requirements for the dissolution of a marriage have been met.

(2) The court determines the marriage is irretrievably broken or there exists a complete incompatibility of temperament or one or both of the parties desires to live separate and apart.

(3) To the extent that it has jurisdiction to do so, the court has considered, approved, or provided for child custody, and has entered an order for child support in compliance with Rule 32 of the Alabama Rules of Judicial Administration.

(b) A legal separation is a court determination of the rights and responsibilities of a husband and wife arising out of the marital relationship. A decree of legal separation does not terminate the marital status of the parties.

(c) If a party files a complaint for a decree of legal separation rather than a decree of dissolution of marriage, the court may grant the legal separation. The terms of a legal separation can be modified or dissolved only by written consent of both parties and ratification by the court or by court order upon proof of a material change of circumstances. A proceeding or judgment for legal separation shall not bar either party from later instituting an action for dissolution of the marriage.

(d) The court shall order that the terms of the legal separation relating to alimony or a property settlement be incorporated into a final divorce decree only if agreed to by the parties. Otherwise, the court may consider, but is not bound by, the provisions of the legal separation relating to alimony or a property settlement upon a final dissolution of the marriage.

(e) If either party to a legal separation later institutes an action for dissolution of the marriage, the best interest of the child standard shall apply to the determination of child custody.

(f) Upon written consent by both parties, after entry of a decree of legal separation, all of the following provisions shall apply:

(1) The earnings or accumulations, including the retirement benefits, of each party received after the entry of the decree of legal separation are the separate property of the party acquiring the earnings or accumulations, and shall not be considered by the court in a subsequent divorce action.

(2) A spouse may convey his or her real estate without the signature or consent of the other spouse.

(3) Each spouse may waive all rights to inheritance from the other spouse pursuant to Section 43-8-72.

(g) Court costs for a legal separation may be assessed as if a dissolution of the marriage was requested and may be taxed by the court accordingly.

Ala. Code 30-2-40 Legal separation (Code Of Alabama (2023 Edition))

 

It is important to note that in the code section above, the terms divorce and dissolution are used interchangeably.

 

In a legal separation, one party would file a complaint for legal separation.  In order to obtain a decree of legal separation, both spouses have to want a legal separation instead of a divorce.

If one spouse files a complaint for legal separation and the other spouse files a complaint for divorce, the court will grant the divorce.

 

Many clients think that a legal separation is a more informal matter that takes less commitment or less expense than a divorce, or they view it as more of a temporary measure.

 

A legal separation is filed just like a divorce and can involve extensive financial discovery if those issues are contested.

 

As you can see from the Alabama Code, a court has wide-ranging powers in what can be addressed in a legal separation.  A legal separation can include custody and visitation with children, child support, alimony, and division of all of the marital assets and debts.

 

The main difference between a legal separation and a divorce

After you jump through all the procedure hoops, you are still married to the other party when your legal separation is final.

 

If you decide you want to divorce later, you still have to file for divorce and jump through all the same procedural hoops, potentially costing yourself a lot more money by going through very similar proceedings twice.

 

If you and your spouse need time apart while you work on your marriage or decide if you want to file for divorce, you can always agree to live separately without going through the formal process of filing a legal separation.

 

After 18 years of practicing family law, I have only ever handled a few legal separations in my career.  The reason is because a legal separation does not meet the needs of the vast majority of clients.

Very rarely, we will see client who has very specific reasons that they need or want to separate legally but remain married to each other – a couple of examples would be religious reasons; clients who know they will never get remarried and see no reason to be divorced; or if parties need to remain legally married for insurance or other benefits.

 

As explained above, if you legally separate, you are still married.

 

If you want more information on the difference between a legal separation and a divorce, contact our office to schedule a consultation.

 

_DevinFord-HerlihyFamilyLaw-03202023061RTcrop

Author: Alison Herlihy

Family law attorney Alison Herlihy is a native of Mobile, Alabama. Alison has engaged in the private practice of family law since 2005, focusing primarily on domestic relations, divorce and child support, child custody law, adoption law, juvenile, probate practice, and wills.

Alison Baxter Herlihy earned the prestigious AV Preeminent peer review rating from Martindale-Hubbell, which recognizes attorneys for the highest levels of legal ability and professional ethical standards. Alison is a certified Guardian Ad Litem. In 2015, Alison became a Registered Mediator on the Alabama State Court Mediator Roster, in both general and domestic relations mediation.  

What Happens After Serving Divorce Papers to Your Spouse?

What Happens After Serving Divorce Papers to Your Spouse?

What Happens After Serving Divorce Papers to Your Spouse?

Filing for Divorce: The Next Steps

You have filed for divorce and you may be wondering, “What now?”  First of all, let’s talk about what “filing” for divorce means.  If you are talking to a divorce lawyer or court personnel, “filing” for divorce means you have actually filed a Complaint for Divorce with the Court.

A lot of clients will say they have “filed” for divorce, when, in reality, what they mean is they have consulted with a divorce lawyer, retained a divorce lawyer, or sent their spouse agreement paperwork to consider.

Once you have filed your Complaint for Divorce with the Court, what comes next?  Once your complaint is filed, it becomes an official pending case with the Court system.  It will be assigned a unique case number.  Then, the Clerk of court issues the Complaint with a Summons for service.

If your complaint is filed electronically, this happens automatically, and your lawyer receives the summons immediately in their email.  If you are representing yourself and you paper-file a complaint at the courthouse, it takes more time for the clerk to process the hard copies.

Next, you (or your lawyer on your behalf) are responsible for having your spouse personally served with the Complaint for Divorce.

 

 

Who Can Serve Divorce Papers: Understanding Your Options

Service of process in a divorce case is dictated by Rule 4 of the Alabama Rules of Civil Procedure.  Personal service can be affected by a process server, which may be either the sheriff’s department or “other designated person”, also known as a private process server.

A private process server can be any person over the age of nineteen, who is not a party to the case, and who is not related within the third degree by blood or marriage to the party seeking service of process.

We recommend that all of our clients use a private process server, as it has proven time and again to be the most efficient option for a fairly small expense, typically between $55.00 – $125.00.  Another benefit of using a private process server is that you can communicate with them as to the best time to serve the Defendant.

This is especially important in divorce cases where often parties still reside together.  There may also be domestic violence issues, so it is important to have your safety plan in place prior to service.  You are not able to do any of this coordination with the sheriff’s department, which is why our firm recommends private process servers.

Service can also be accomplished via certified mail, but this method tends to be very unreliable as people anticipating litigation tend to not pick up their certified mail.

The Defendant may also accept service by picking up a copy of the Complaint and Summons from the Clerk of Court.

 

 

What Constitutes “Good” Service?

First, service must be accomplished within 120 days of the filing of your complaint, or your case will likely be dismissed by the Court.

Rule 4 of the Alabama Rules of Civil Procedure also sets out what is considered to be valid service under a variety of circumstances.  If the Defendant is an adult, then they can be served by handing the paperwork directly to them, by leaving the paperwork at their residence with another competent adult who also resides there, or by delivering it to an agent authorized to receive service of process on their behalf (such as if they have someone with Power of Attorney).

If the Defendant is a minor, their parent or guardian must be served, and, if the minor is over the age of 16, they must also be served.  If the Defendant is incompetent, then service is effected upon their legal guardian or other caregiver if there is no legal guardian.

If the Defendant is incompetent and confined to an institution for the mentally ill, then service must be effected upon the superintendent of the institution.  If the person is incarcerated in prison or jail, they still must be personally served.

If the Defendant lives in another state, they may still be personally served by a private process server or by certified mail.

 

 

After Serving Divorce Papers: What to expect

After the divorce papers are served, the process server has to complete the return on service section of the summons which was previously issued by the clerk of court.

This form says the first and last name of the person served, the date and time of service, and includes the signature of the process server.  The process server either returns this form directly to the court, or to your attorney for filing with the court.

Once the Defendant has been served, they will typically retain their own attorney to file an answer to the complaint for divorce and a counterclaim for divorce.

Your attorney receives copies of all filings via email, and we will send you copies of those filings the same day via your confidential, secure client portal.

 

 

Timelines and Wait Times

The date of service is the date that all relevant timelines begin to run.  The Defendant has 30 days from the date they were served to file an answer to the complaint.  We almost always serve discovery for the Defendant to answer along with the initial complaint.

Discovery is made up of questions the Defendant must answer and documents and other tangible items they must provide about issues relevant to the divorce case, such as assets, debts, and physical evidence.  The Defendant has 45 days from the day they were served to answer their discovery in this fact situation.  If they do not answer timely or completely, there are certain legal procedures we must follow to obtain their answers.

Discovery is typically the longest part of the divorce process, as we want to make absolutely sure we have complete information before taking your case to trial.  Discovery can also include the filing of subpoenas for records to non-parties and depositions of the parties or other witnesses.  The discovery process typically takes several months.

If your divorce case cannot be settled without a trial, it typically takes 6-12 months in Mobile County to get to a trial date after your complaint for divorce is filed and service is completed in your case.

If you are looking for a firm that can be there with you every step of the way to make sure things are done right, from the initial service of process all the way through the conclusion of your case through settlement or trial, contact Herlihy Family Law.

_DevinFord-HerlihyFamilyLaw-03202023061RTcrop

Author: Alison Herlihy

Family law attorney Alison Herlihy is a native of Mobile, Alabama. Alison has engaged in the private practice of family law since 2005, focusing primarily on domestic relations, divorce and child support, child custody law, adoption law, juvenile, probate practice, and wills.

Alison Baxter Herlihy earned the prestigious AV Preeminent peer review rating from Martindale-Hubbell, which recognizes attorneys for the highest levels of legal ability and professional ethical standards. Alison is a certified Guardian Ad Litem. In 2015, Alison became a Registered Mediator on the Alabama State Court Mediator Roster, in both general and domestic relations mediation.