What is divorce mediation?

What is divorce mediation?

What is divorce mediation?

Are you wondering what is divorce mediation? When married individuals have a pending divorce, parties will often attempt mediation during their divorce proceedings. The divorce mediation process presents an opportunity for parties in a divorce to use a third party to assist in the negotiation of a settlement agreement.

Settling a case can save a lot of money and time while allowing the participants to be a part of crafting their own agreement. Parties can either mutually agree to mediate their divorce case and agree upon a mediator to use, or the judge can order mediation and appoint a mediator prior to setting the case for trial.

 

In fact, some judges require parties requesting a special setting for long and contentious divorces to attempt mediation before allowing the case to get a full-day case setting on their trial docket.

 

Once mediation is either ordered or agreed upon by the parties, the agreed-upon divorce mediator will schedule the mediation according to the parties’ and attorneys’ schedules and set a date. Most mediators charge by the hour and have a minimum amount of hours that must be prepaid.

The divorce mediation cost is usually either split between the parties or ordered to be paid by one party, depending on the circumstances. When it is time for mediation, the Plaintiff and Defendant will go to the mediator’s office at their designated times and meet with their attorneys. The times are often offset so the parties never actually have to see each other that day.

The parties are also placed in separate rooms with their attorneys; both parties and their attorneys do not all sit in the same room at a long conference table like in many movies.

 

The divorce mediator will speak to the parties separately explain the mediation procedure and answer questions. The mediator will go back and forth between the parties and their attorneys delivering offers and counteroffers.

 

In divorce mediation, the mediator is usually going to be a practicing attorney who is familiar with family law. The mediator is able to use their own knowledge of the law to help guide the mediation and can help give unbiased third-party opinions to both sides of the case regarding what is likely to happen in the event that the parties fail to make an agreement and proceed to trial.

They can relay information they are told to deliver to the other side and will keep other information private if told not to share.   

The Plaintiff will make the first offer, as they are the ones that brought the divorce action. The Plaintiff and his/her attorney will convey their settlement offer to the mediator and the mediator will then take that offer to the defendant and his/her attorney.

The Defendant and his/her attorney will discuss the offer extended by the Plaintiff and either accept the offer or formulate a counteroffer for the mediator to take back to the opposing party.

The negotiations will continue until either an agreement is finalized or the parties reach an impasse and continued negotiations would be unsuccessful.

 

In the event an agreement is reached, the parties will both sign the agreement, accompanying documents, and child support documents if applicable. The agreement will soon after be filed with the Court and submitted to the judge.

 

Assuming the agreement is accepted by the judge, then a Judgment of Divorce (JOD) will be issued by the judge and the agreement will be incorporated in the final decree and then the parties will be divorced. Settling a divorce at mediation will often allow a married couple to get divorced more quickly than a contested trial would allow due to judges’ busy trial dockets.

The settlement also has the ability to save the parties money on their legal fees. Continued trial preparation, subpoenas, pretrial hearings, depositions, and hourly retainer agreements can get expensive but sometimes said expenses are unavoidable when parties do not agree.

In the event that an agreement is not reached and mediation is unsuccessful, the parties will be left in the same position they were in prior to mediation and can continue preparing for trial.

 

Mediation is confidential and settlement negotiations are inadmissible at trial, therefore neither party needs to worry that unsuccessful negotiations and offers extended but not accepted will come back to hurt their case.

 

Thus further allowing the parties, attorneys, and mediators to speak freely and attempt to find common ground that might allow for settlement and the resolution of a divorce case. Hopefully, this gives you a better idea of what is divorce mediation and the process.

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Author: Walter Gewin

Attorney Walter Gewin is a native of Mobile, Alabama. After graduation from law school, Walter clerked for Circuit Court Judge John Lockett before pursuing a career in the private practice of law. Initially, practicing a wide variety of law; Walter’s practice has become more focused on family law, including juvenile, probate, and domestic relations matters. Walter also currently serves as a certified Guardian Ad Litem in Dependency, Delinquency, and Domestic Relations matters.

5 Surprising reasons why divorce is good

5 Surprising reasons why divorce is good

5 Surprising reasons why divorce is good

While there are undoubtedly many reasons why divorce is beneficial and may be the right solution for you if you are in a bad marriage, there are 5 main reasons why divorce is good:

 

Life is short.

Although we all would like to live forever, in 2023 that is not a reality.  Often married individuals that are incompatible and struggling in their relationships hope to “wait it out” and are hopeful for things to get better, but this life is not a “dress rehearsal” and choosing to endure an unhappy marriage may result in waiting a long time or living an ultimately miserable life.

While many married people may feel the need to stay in their bad marriage and feel guilty due to the vows they took, the truth is that no one knows how long they have on this earth.  While some may think it is admirable to stay married, you and your spouse are the only ones actually living your marriage day-to-day.

 

And only you and your spouse know if there truly is a chance to salvage your marriage and family life.

 

Otherwise, every day you spend unhappily married to your spouse is another day you could have spent living your life and pursuing a happy, healthy future for you and your whole family.

Divorce can be the answer and the key to your happiness.  You can change the trajectory of your life and focus on living life for you and your family.

 

 

People are unlikely to change.

It is impossible to know everything about a person before getting married to them and many get married to their spouse after only a short time of knowing them prior.

People are often surprised when they realize their significant other is not the person they understood them to be or wanted them to be when they were married.

The fact is that humans are complex and many have their own “baggage” or trauma that is not apparent to others until after they are married or deeply into a serious relationship.

Many individuals struggle with mental illness, substance abuse issues, anger, and/or have conflicting views on healthy relationships and how a healthy marriage operates.

Some will want to wait for their spouse to change—to be nicer, to get off drugs, stop being verbally or physically abusive, be more supportive, or be a different person altogether.

However, if you choose to wait for your spouse to change, you could be waiting a very long time because many people do not change and others will only change their behavior when they are fully committed to make the changes necessary to implement the changes.

And many spouses do not possess the skills or abilities to actually follow through with changing their behavior.

 

The definition of behavior is “the way in which one acts or conducts oneself, especially toward others.”

 

Therefore, expecting someone to change is expecting someone to change the way they are “wired” and change the way they are predisposed to respond to others or certain situations.

Behavior is developed and learned over the course of one’s life, and expecting someone to change certain behaviors is often equivalent to asking them to be a different person entirely.

Divorce can allow you to end an unhealthy marriage, have a life without your spouse that is not dependent on another’s ability to change, and/or pursue a healthy relationship with another individual.

 

 

Childhood is important.

Divorce can facilitate a better life for your family and allow your children involved to thrive.  It is no secret that children learn life lessons in their youth and develop the skills they will need to take them into adulthood.

Many adults often struggle with trauma from their childhood, including arguments and fights they witnessed, abuse, and other forms of mistreatment involving their own parents.

By taking the action of getting a divorce, you are ending your children’s exposure to a potentially unhealthy relationship and stopping them from being affected by your own marriage and adult decisions, thereby improving your life, as well as your children’s lives.

 

 

Marital Finances have long-lasting consequences.

In marriage, finances become intermingled and decisions are made that will continue to affect both parties into their futures, whether the parties remain married or ultimately divorce.

Finances and debts incurred during a marriage are up for division in the divorce process.  Sometimes the best option for a party is to go ahead and file for divorce in order to prevent one’s exposure financially or to prevent financial ruin.

Failure to file for divorce timely will continue to lengthen the time of the marriage. A longer marriage in certain situations could lead to an award of alimony, additional marital debt, and/or more money and assets to be divided in a divorce.

 

 

Your mental health.

Your mental health and own happiness and self-confidence matter.  It is important to not condone bad behavior and normalize mistreatment.

Regularly, a spouse struggling in his or her unhappy marriage tends to allow their spouse to abuse or mistreat them because it was commonplace in their marriage, and may continue to allow the abuse to happen for years before realizing there is the option of life apart.

Divorce allows people to live apart from their former spouse, on their own, or to choose a new significant other that has life goals and a desire for mutual respect that align with their own desires for the same.

Being unhappy or mistreated in your marriage is not healthy or likely to bring you contentment in your life.

 

Conclusion

There are many positive outcomes from a divorce when you compare your well-being during a bad marriage to your renewed sense of life post-divorce.

There are positive effects of a divorce both for you and your kids involved in the marriage. Divorce can lead to opportunities for personal growth and a new sense of life for you, your children, and your former partner.

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Author: Walter Gewin

Attorney Walter Gewin is a native of Mobile, Alabama. After graduation from law school, Walter clerked for Circuit Court Judge John Lockett before pursuing a career in the private practice of law. Initially, practicing a wide variety of law; Walter’s practice has become more focused on family law, including juvenile, probate, and domestic relations matters. Walter also currently serves as a certified Guardian Ad Litem in Dependency, Delinquency, and Domestic Relations matters.

4 Reasons You Should Hire a Lawyer for Your Divorce

4 Reasons You Should Hire a Lawyer for Your Divorce

4 Reasons You Should Hire a Lawyer for Your Divorce

Are you considering reasons you should hire a lawyer for your divorce? While there are many reasons to hire an attorney for your divorce, here are four main reasons to hire an attorney to handle your divorce.

1. Attorneys are professionals

Practicing attorneys are professionals that have graduated from both an undergraduate university and law school. After passing the state’s bar exam, attorneys may practice in courts within their state and represent others during the pendency of their legal matters.

It is imperative to choose a lawyer that specializes in divorce and family law. Knowledge of the law and skills acquired from prior cases allow our attorneys to best represent you in your time of need and help to better ensure a fair outcome based on the facts we are presented, within the constraints of the law. 

 

2. You have obligations to both your family and your job

Because your divorce case is extremely important, assembling the best legal team possible to handle your case will make your life easier, the process less stressful, and increase your likelihood of personal success.

When getting divorced, your life does not stop. Parties still have to wake up and work daily, provide for their families, and continue to pay their bills. Therefore, having an attorney to advocate for you will allow you to spend less time stressing over your divorce and more time enjoying your family, friends, and life outside of the courtroom. 

 

3. Divorces involve complex litigation and procedure

Divorces and family law are their own specialized area of practice. Your divorce case is governed by both the Alabama Rules of Civil Procedure and the Alabama Rules of Evidence. There are many important dates, deadlines, and rules that must be followed in your divorce. Having a responsible attorney will help you prepare the best legal case possible.

There is not only one way to try and prepare for a divorce case. Divorce can go many different ways and strategic, difficult decisions must be made when needed. Hiring a lawyer will promote your best interest and encourage an end to your marriage that best enhances your desired life post-divorce.

 

4. Your divorce outcome is lifelong and important

Although the process may be difficult at times, the fact is, you will eventually get divorced by the Court. Therefore, it is important to help craft the outcome that you desire with representation either through your divorce trial or an agreement struck along the way.

The judgment of divorce you will receive at the end of your case is final and will become instrumental in dealing with your ex-spouse, splitting your assets and debts, and/or navigating life as parents to child(ren) post-divorce. Addressing the end of your marriage is a serious matter, and will be best handled by an attorney who is qualified to protect your livelihood and shield you from potential adverse consequences.

 

These are the four most important reasons you should hire a lawyer for your divorce. At Herlihy Family Law, we are honored when members of the Mobile and Baldwin County communities entrust us to handle their divorce. We have an excellent team of experienced attorneys and staff that are prepared to help during your time of need.

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Author: Walter Gewin

Attorney Walter Gewin is a native of Mobile, Alabama. After graduation from law school, Walter clerked for Circuit Court Judge John Lockett before pursuing a career in the private practice of law. Initially, practicing a wide variety of law; Walter’s practice has become more focused on family law, including juvenile, probate, and domestic relations matters. Walter also currently serves as a certified Guardian Ad Litem in Dependency, Delinquency, and Domestic Relations matters.