Top 10 Questions to Ask Before Hiring a Family Lawyer in 2025

Top 10 Mistakes to Avoid During the Divorce Process

We do our very best to keep the divorce process as simple, conflict-free, and by-the-book as possible. Sometimes our clients unintentionally make mistakes that complicate the process. What are some of the mistakes we see? Here are some things you should not do while you’re getting divorced:

Don’t overshare on social media

A lot of people are very online, from Instagram to TikTok to Facebook. It’s best to avoid talking about your legal matters on any social media platform. Even if you have blocked your spouse, he or she may have friends or family members who will share your posts with them. Ranting or raving about your case will never help, and anything you post can be used as evidence in court.

Don’t post pictures or information about your social life, parties you’ve been to, or money you’ve spent. If you can’t resist sharing, you may need to shut down your social media accounts until your case is over.

Don’t get into altercations or aggressive confrontations

Emotions run high during divorces and separations, but don’t try to provoke your spouse and in turn, don’t let them get under your skin. You really do not want a disagreement to turn into an altercation requiring police intervention.

People who know each other well also know how to push each other’s buttons. Learn to recognize when that is happening and don’t react. Likewise, don’t be on the other side of this: don’t pick fights. It’s in nobody’s best interest.

Don’t discuss legal matters with your soon-to-be ex

In a truly amicable split, this doesn’t necessarily apply. We see clients who have worked out all of the details of their uncontested divorce before they even call us. That’s a great situation to be in. But if you can’t talk without arguing, if someone is manipulative or dishonest or abusive, just let the attorneys do the talking.

You can always say “Have your attorney contact mine.” And don’t sign anything at all without your lawyer’s advice! You’ve probably spent a good deal of money for representation – let your attorney represent your best interests.

Don’t use your children against your spouse

We sometimes see people trying to withhold visitation, or saying terrible things about their partner to their children. Don’t do this! Try to make this process as painless as possible for them. Using them to punish their other parent harms them the most. Whether it’s true or not, avoid insulting or degrading your partner to your kids. They’re already having a hard time, so don’t put them in the middle of it.

In a contested divorce there will frequently be a parenting plan or temporary visitation schedule in place. Abide by it to the letter! If you feel your spouse is dangerous or irresponsible, take it up with your attorney.

Don’t have arguments in writing

Everything you say in a text, email, or DM can potentially be used as evidence in court. Remember, the internet is forever! Refrain from being aggressive or insulting. Definitely do not threaten your ex. Don’t admit to wrongdoing or even anything that might be prejudicial. Use caution when communicating with your ex and his or her family and close friends.

Don’t start dating someone else while you’re still married

Until your divorce is final, i.e. signed by the judge, this is still considered adultery in the state of Alabama. It can hurt your case, and definitely will not help your case. It can also cause your ex to be even more spiteful or vengeful if they’re mad that you’ve moved on. Some clients don’t want to hear this, but just refrain from jumping back into the dating pool until you are legally done with the marriage. If you have children, they will need some time to adjust to your separation before meeting a new partner.

Don’t drink or use drugs during the divorce

We know that drinking is legal (and in some places, a few recreational drugs). But again, it’s not a good look, and it can come up in court if your partner wants to go there. We see exes claiming that someone is a bad parent because they party.

You may actually be the better parent, but you don’t want the judge to think you’re partying all the time.

Particularly be sure not to drink or do drugs around your children, and make sure they do not have access to any that you may have in the house. Be aware that in many cases, the court will order a drug test if your ex asks them to.

You need to be able to pass a drug test with no notice at all. If you do decide to drink when you’re not around your children, don’t post it on social media. Divorce is an extremely stressful time, and it is easy to get on a slippery slope with too much alcohol consumption.

If you have concerns about your drinking, or if your spouse has ever accused you of drinking too much, the best course of action is not to drink alcohol while your case is pending. Drugs are illegal in Alabama, so obviously you should not use drugs at all.

Don’t respond immediately to texts or emails

It’s hard sometimes to take a deep breath and walk away from an argument, or an annoying email or text, but train yourself to do it. Take some time and think about it. Do you want the answer that’s in your head read out in court?

It may even be that you don’t need to answer at all. Or the answer is, take it up with my attorney. This also applies to friends and family of your ex, who may be texting to share their opinion or try to get information from you. Conversely, don’t be that person who has their mommy or best friend try to spy on your ex. Take the high road.

Don’t yell at us, please

Well, this may be a little self-serving, but remember that your attorney’s entire team is on your side, so please be patient and courteous no matter who you are talking to.

We all want success for your case.

We know you are going through it. All of our clients are going through it. Rudeness and yelling won’t change the way the legal process works. The process can be slow, it can be infuriating, it can be frustrating. We get it. We’re all doing our best here.

Don’t lie to your attorney

This one should be a no-brainer, but alas, some people need to hear this. Even people with great judgment are probably not at their best during the divorce process. So be honest with your attorney.

Trust us, we’ve heard it all. More than you can imagine. Some of the most important things to be honest about are finances, assets, criminal records, mental health issues, and infidelity. However, anything that affects you, your children, and your case needs to be shared with us.

Please don’t have your attorney surprised in court with evidence of something they didn’t know about. Even if it’s embarrassing, let us know right away! We cannot properly prepare for your case if we don’t know what is really going on. Remember, everything you tell us is confidential.

DO call us for us a consultation

You can of course call us during business hours, or you can go to our website and click “request a consultation.” We can almost always see you within a week or two, and we will always get back to you very quickly.

Author: Jill Chancey

Jill Chancey is a New Orleans native who has called Mobile home since 2019. She attended Trinity University in San Antonio, majoring in Art History and English. She also has an MA and a PhD in Art History. After earning a certificate in Paralegal Studies, she pivoted to the legal profession after several decades as an art historian. In her free time she enjoys science fiction, art museums, and collecting and reselling vintage design.

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How to successfully co-parent after divorce

by Jill Chancey | Nov 6, 2024 | Child Support, Children, Custody, Divorce, Family, Family Law

How to successfully co-parent after divorce

Most people tend to think that the finish line has been reached once a custody and child support agreement is signed, filed, and finalized. The reality for our clients, however, is that their judgment of divorce or custody order actually the beginning of a new phase in their co-parenting relationship. Sometimes the parents have been separated for a while and already have a good routine in place, but not always. For some people, the new phase is actually easier now that they’ve put their own relationship in the rearview mirror. There’s less day-to-day contact, which usually results in less day-to-day conflict.

This isn’t always the case, unfortunately. High-conflict divorces and custody cases sometimes do not de-escalate once the court order is in place. What we see is that the most common points of conflict are when the children are exchanged, and when it comes time to reimburse the other parent for shared expenses. There are also people who simply thrive on conflict and will continue to make peace almost impossible for their families.

However, there are a number of resources available to assist co-parents in moving forward amicably. When exchanges are a flashpoint and the parents simply cannot be in the same space without getting into an argument, the judge will often order that all exchanges take place at The Gulf Coast Family Center of Mobile, which is a non-profit organization that assists families by providing supervised visitation and monitored exchanges. The Family Center has locations in both Mobile and Robertsdale. Some families also agree for parents to pick-up and drop-off the children at school, which can prevent conflicts between the parents.

If neither location is convenient, another option is for exchanges to take place in a public location, such as a police station about halfway between the parents’ homes. High-conflict people tend to tone down their behavior when in the presence of a building full of police, or if they find themselves in a place with cameras and witnesses all around them. This can also be a court-ordered solution to difficult exchanges. Sometimes the court will even order that neither parent can leave their car during the exchange. In addition, parents do not have to personally present for the exchange. A parent can designate another fit adult, such as grandparents, to handle the visitation exchange on their behalf.

As in many relationships, money can also be a point of conflict. Financial disagreements and incompatibility are a leading cause of divorce and relationship breakups. If two partners are fundamentally incompatible regarding spending, debt, and priorities, that will probably continue to be an issue after the divorce. Regardless, the court orders are usually very specific about how expenses should be divided. For example, all out-of-pocket medical expenses are frequently ordered to be split evenly between the parents. We do see a lot of parents arguing about what needs to be reimbursed, how quickly it was reimbursed, and whether the person who paid requested the reimbursement in a timely fashion.

These failures to communicate successfully can be assisted with one of several communication apps. One we see used frequently is the Our Family Wizard app. This is a subscription service in which both parents do 100% of their communications through the app, including sending receipts and so forth. That way one parent can block their ex from sending email, texts, making phone calls, or contacting them on social media. Our Family Wizard tracks and saves all communications so that each party has evidence of what has been said and what bills have been sent to each other. The app also includes a tone meter that gives you advice on how to make your own communication more neutral and less argumentative. Again, being monitored tends to cause high-conflict people to tone down their behavior. There are several other apps of this type, but Our Family Wizard is probably the most common and most comprehensive. Sometimes the use of an app of this nature is court-ordered. Judges can usually get a pretty good idea of whether a high-conflict relationship will continue to be so, whereas sometimes it’s part of a negotiated agreement.

When it comes to monthly child support, we always recommend that parties pay their child support through an Income Withholding Order so that payments are made automatically and the parents do not have to negotiate with each other on the when, where and how of the monthly payments. The money is deducted automatically from the payer’s paycheck, and sent to the payee by the child support payment center. Every payment is on record and easily confirmed. Paying with cash or a peer-to-peer payment app is not going to result in the best evidence that a child support payment has been made or received. Automating the process will, ideally, result in less arguing about when a payment is going to be made, or how much it will be, or why someone doesn’t want to make a payment this month. Less conflict is better for your kids, and better for you.

What happens if none of the systems in place prevent co-parents from coming into conflict, whether it’s over visitation, medical bills, child support, or the cost of extracurriculars? Well, that may be where we come in. A parent who is not in compliance with a court order may be found to be in contempt if they are taken back to court. It might also be that a modification of some aspects of the court order is warranted, if there is a sufficient change in circumstances. If you find that your co-parent is not abiding by the order in place, document everything as best you can. Keep copies of any communications, keep a log of visitation times, and track your expenses and payments.

If the issue is ongoing, you can always book a consultation with us to determine if it is worth taking it back to the judge for remediation.

Author: Jill Chancey

Jill Chancey is a New Orleans native who has called Mobile home since 2019. She attended Trinity University in San Antonio, majoring in Art History and English. She also has an MA and a PhD in Art History. After earning a certificate in Paralegal Studies, she pivoted to the legal profession after several decades as an art historian. In her free time she enjoys science fiction, art museums, and collecting and reselling vintage design.

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Child Support: Your Questions Answered

by Jill Chancey | Oct 18, 2024 | Alabama, Child Support, Children, Custody, Divorce, Family, Family Law

Child Support: Your Questions Answered

We get a lot of questions about child support here. It tends to be one of the most contentious elements in a divorce. We also help unmarried parents when they come to us looking for a fair arrangement for both child support and custody. Unfortunately, there are no quick, easy, or universal answers. Most of the initial answers to general questions are “it depends,” but given the facts of the case, an attorney can provide you with a more specific answer.

A brief history of child support

In the United States, laws governing and mandating child support were initiated around 1950 as an effort to reduce the number of children living in poverty. This mission has expanded to all parents, not just those living in poverty. Essentially, our government has deemed it a public good that all children have sufficient food, shelter, health care, and the necessities of life. This is the primary mission of all agencies involved in child support, from the federal to the state level. Currently the federal Office of Child Support Services cooperates with state agencies and oversees the national child support system. Their mission is to ensure that children receive support from both parents, even when they live in separate households.

At the international level, the 1992 United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child is a binding convention signed by every member of the UN, including the United States. In short, it declares that the upbringing and development of children is the common responsibility of both parents, and an adequate standard of living is “a fundamental human right of children.” One might be surprised that this was codified into law so recently; it seems like a matter of common sense that children need someone to care for them, and an adequate standard of living.

Child support in Alabama

In Alabama, the Department of Human Resources offers assistance with child support issues, such as locating non-custodial parents, support orders, and the collection of child support payments. Although DHR’s mission has evolved over the years, it was initially founded in 1935 and continues to administer programs that aid families, such as ALL Kids health insurance, Child Protective Services, and Food Assistance. For most of our clients, their primary interaction with DHR is the Alabama Child Support Payment System, a program under the umbrella of DHR. That program facilitates the payments and disbursements for each parent that pays through their office. We always recommend that our clients pay through this system so that their payments are officially documented and the records are easy to access.

Okay, but how much will I pay?

Well, it depends. The guidelines for child support calculations rely on several figures: the income of each parent; the cost of childcare; the cost of health insurance; and the difference between each parent’s income. When all parties are totally transparent about their income and expenses, the answers are pretty straightforward. We often find ourselves, however, having to subpoena income and employment records for people who are uncooperative. We help both married, formerly married, and never-married parents get the information needed to get a correct answer.

That said, sometimes there are special circumstances that require a deviation. In some states, child support payments end upon the child’s turning 18. Here, the support continues until the child turns 19. However, if a child is disabled and will require lifetime support, that support may be extended indefinitely. There may be other mitigating circumstances, such as one parent being in prison and lacking income entirely. If one parent incurs significant travel expenses to exercise their visitation, this may result in an approved deviation from the standard. These deviations are usually negotiated by the parties’ attorneys and have to be approved by the judge. If you have unusual circumstances, this is certainly something to discuss with your attorney.

Anyone who has watched the cost of living increase knows that a child support payment that would have been sufficient in 2010 would likely not be nearly enough here in 2024. In addition to the overall changes in cost of living, one or both parents may see a significant change in income. If this happens in your situation, you can request the courts made a modification to your child support (either paid or received). We can help you assess whether the change is significant enough to go to court for a modification. We frequently assist clients with this process so that the numbers align more closely with the incomes and expenses of each parent.

What if I don’t pay my court-ordered child support?

If you are not paying your court-ordered support, you will find yourself in arrears. A person in arrears is facing not only interest charges, but can be taken to court for contempt. Many people who owe support have it automatically deducted from their paychecks and sent to the Alabama Child Support Payment Center to be sent to the other parent. This is a relatively easy, no-conflict way to make those payments. If you are in arrears, a portion of your pay may be garnished to go towards your debt. This can even happen if you move out-of-state. Your tax refund may also be garnished by the IRS, or a lien placed on your property. You will stay in arrears for as long as it takes to pay your debt, even if your children are grown and over 19.

In Alabama, parents who refuse to pay child support and have the ability to do so can be charged with criminal “nonsupport”, which could result in fines or a jail sentence. This is pretty uncommon, but it is on the books. Just something to be aware of!

At the federal level, there are circumstances in which a person in child support arrears may be sent to prison. There are several conditions on this; mainly it involves refusing to pay child support for a child who lives in another state. Being past due for a year or for more than $5000 is a criminal misdemeanor; being past due for two years or more than $10,000 is a criminal felony. In other words, if you are thinking of leaving the state to avoid child support? That turns your situation into a federal case.

However, this is only applicable in specific cases; the child support enforcement must be addressed at the local or state level before concerns are raised to the federal level.

How much can raising a kid actually cost?

Frequently, non-custodial parents will be angry and resentful that they are giving money to their child’s other parent. It may seem unfair, or like they’re providing money to the ex-partner for luxuries. However, it’s important to remember that raising children is very expensive. How much does it cost to raise a child born in Alabama this year? The estimates vary, but range from about $200,000 to $375,000. It’s easy for a non-custodial parent to not have a firm grasp on the day-to-day costs of raising a child, but the numbers don’t lie. Your child needs support from both parents to survive, and thrive.

If you’re feeling resentful about paying your child support, try to reframe the expense as feeding, clothing, and educating your child. Additionally, the best estimate right now is that the cost of replacing a full-time parent with a professional cook, cleaner, tutor, chauffeur, nanny, and nurse is estimated at around $115,000 a year. Raising children is expensive, and the primary caregiver is doing a lot of unpaid work. Truly, the way child support is calculated here is not unreasonable.

It may be hard to do this, but separating your child’s needs from your emotions about the end of your relationship with the other parent is going to lead to a better attitude about sharing expenses with them. We always recommend therapy or counseling to our clients going through difficult times, and this is certainly a topic to raise with yours. It’s best for everyone to approach the issue with an eye to what is best for your child.

As always, we are here to help. Whether the other party is an ex-spouse, ex-partner, or merely a co-parent, we know what steps to take to get an equitable child support and custody order in place. Give us a call at 251-432-7909 or request a consultation here on the website and we can get started.

Author: Jill Chancey

Jill Chancey is a New Orleans native who has called Mobile home since 2019. She attended Trinity University in San Antonio, majoring in Art History and English. She also has an MA and a PhD in Art History. After earning a certificate in Paralegal Studies, she pivoted to the legal profession after several decades as an art historian. In her free time she enjoys science fiction, art museums, and collecting and reselling vintage design.

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Preparing for Divorce: Essential Steps

by Jill Chancey | Sep 23, 2024 | Divorce, Family Law, Mobile

Preparing for Divorce: Essential Steps

Consult an Attorney

Do it sooner, rather than later. Don’t wait until you’re at a crisis point. You don’t have to hire one at the consultation, you can get our legal advice and then reach out to hire when you are ready. You don’t even have to be entirely sure you’re ready to divorce, but if you’re considering it, it’s a good idea to be prepared.

In a consultation, you’ll talk about your case, your options, and how our fee structure works. You can ask questions about child support and custody issues, for example. Start making a list of questions to ask your attorney, and bring something to take notes with. You’ll be getting a lot of information quickly, it’s a stressful time in your life, and taking notes will help you remember everything.

Please note that we practice in Mobile County and Baldwin County. If you live elsewhere, you can search the Alabama Bar Association website for attorneys who practice in your area.

Gather your community

It’s a really good idea to find a counselor or therapist for yourself; having someone neutral to help you talk through the process can be beneficial. Some people will attempt marriage counseling when they reach this stage. If it’s an amicable decision, having someone to talk both of you through the process may be helpful. If your situation is high-conflict, putting yourself in the way of more conflict may not be the best idea. Some couples appreciate help negotiating the exit process. If you try it and it feels counter-productive, you don’t have to continue. As with all counselors, your first one may not be a good fit. You can always interview several counselors to find someone you are comfortable with.

There is no shame in getting a divorce; don’t be too embarrassed to let your closest friends or family in, particularly those that you know will be supportive and loving. You don’t have to do this alone. Even if you feel like you made bad choices, or should have known better, or whatever self-blame you might be feeling, those people who love you will be on your side.

Don’t forget self-care. This may sound trite, but you need to take care of your mental and physical health. You may prefer exercise, meditation, knitting, or pickleball. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as it gets you out of your day-to-day and lowers your stress level. Keep those doctors’ appointments and do your best to eat well and get enough sleep.

Financial Preparation

We understand that sometimes one spouse will withhold financial information from the other. Do what you can here, but don’t let a lack of access to financial data stop you from planning. You’ll want to gather basic information from all of your bank accounts and your credit cards – know your account numbers and how to access all of the information. Do you and your spouse have retirement accounts? Those will be important, too. Do you have debts, such as a mortgage, student loans, or a credit card? Be able to lay your hands on those details as well. It’s a good idea to know who exactly is on the deed to your home, and whose names are on the mortgage. You can pull a credit report at this point if you want to be sure you’ve covered all your bases, and you can freeze your personal credit at this point if you feel you need to. You can also get copies of any jointly filed tax returns directly from the IRS if you do not have copies.

Do you and/or your spouse own a business? You’ll want to have information about the value of those businesses, tax returns if you can get them, and who exactly owns them. The more we know about your financial situation, the better we can advise you on your steps moving forward.

Do You Share Children?

Think about what kind of custody agreement will work for you and your children. Who is the primary caregiver? Who takes the children to doctors, school, and sports? Who will make decisions about school, extracurriculars, and religious practices? These are all issues that will need to be considered.

Be aware that permanently moving more than 60 miles away from your home may not be allowed by the court. Except in cases of verified neglect or abuse, both parents are entitled to time with and regular access to their children. We also get a lot of questions about grandparents’ rights to children in divorce cases; these will not be addressed in a divorce agreement.

It’s best to stop drinking and using any recreational drugs altogether while you are going through this process, as these can be used against you in a custody case. Be aware that even legal cannabis products will result in a positive drug test. It is not uncommon for a judge to order a drug and/or alcohol test if the other party requests it. Hair and fingernail tests are the most common types ordered.

Do not discuss your marriage or divorce plans with your children except in the most general terms. Do not say bad things about your spouse to your children. Try to remain neutral, loving, and supportive. This will be difficult, but this is also why you have found a counselor and gathered a supportive community of friends and family. The adults in your life should be your sounding board.

Seek counseling for your children, as this will be a difficult transition. They probably know that all is not well with their parents, and in many cases may be relieved that they don’t have to live with the stress of unhappy parents anymore. As with your own counselor, don’t hesitate to interview a few counselors or therapists until you find a good fit.

Take Some Precautions

You should change passwords for your financial accounts, your email, your phone, and icloud (if you share a family data plan). However, you cannot lock your spouse out of joint accounts by changing the password or taking them off of the accounts. Consider getting a new email for the purpose of communicating with your attorney and any other professionals involved in your case. This can make it easier to keep track of your conversations with your team.

This may be painful, but here goes: lock down your social media – Instagram, Facebook, everything. Change your settings to “friends only” and then have a look at your friends list and consider whether someone knowing about your day-to-day life during this period will put you at a disadvantage, or cause unnecessary drama. You can, for example, create a smaller friend group for certain posts. It’s really best to not discuss your case on social media at all. You may want to consider deleting your account altogether if you cannot resist the urge to post!

If your spouse is being confrontational, aggressive, abusive, or otherwise behaving badly, document this as well as you can. Save the evidence in a separate, cloud-based account. Screenshot text conversations (make sure the date is visible). Pro Tip: Alabama is a one-party state, so you can record conversations without your partner’s permission if you are a part of that conversation. You cannot, however, hide a recorder to record their conversations with other people. That is illegal. Some people think about hiring private investigators if their spouse is cheating or doing anything illegal. It’s probably best to ask an attorney’s advice on whether this is a good idea and will be worth the expense.

Are You in Danger?

First and foremost: call the Domestic Violence hotline for help with a safety plan (1-800-799-7233). In Mobile County, you can call the Penelope House (251-342-8994). They are best equipped to help you exit safely.

If you are in danger, do not tell your spouse of your plans until you are ready to move out or have actually left. In an abusive relationship, this is a particularly dangerous time. Check your vehicle for tracking and recording devices – or ask a mechanic to do so. You can remove these. It’s a good idea to change your phone settings so you cannot be tracked with the phone’s GPS. You can also get a pay-as-you-go phone for your own use, so you have a phone that is not on your family phone plan.

We often hear that a spouse has told a client that if they move out, that’s considered “abandonment” and they will lose all right to their house, property, and children. This is a common misconception. Your safety is paramount, and you are allowed to take your children and move out. Your safety plan may include limiting the list of who can pick up your children at school. The other parent is generally allowed to be on that list unless a court order is in place. This is a little bit of a tricky area and a good topic to seek legal advice on.

Things to Remember

The great Russian novelist began the novel Anna Karenina by saying, “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” You can’t expect your divorce to be like anyone else’s. Everybody’s marriage is different, and so everybody’s divorce is different. Recruiting legal and personal counsel to help you through these troubled waters will help you come out the other side in a better place.

Author: Jill Chancey

Jill Chancey is a New Orleans native who has called Mobile home since 2019. She attended Trinity University in San Antonio, majoring in Art History and English. She also has an MA and a PhD in Art History. After earning a certificate in Paralegal Studies, she pivoted to the legal profession after several decades as an art historian. In her free time she enjoys science fiction, art museums, and collecting and reselling vintage design.

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Top 10 Questions to Ask Before Hiring a Family Lawyer in 2025

Top 10 Questions to Ask Before Hiring a Family Lawyer in 2025

Do I even need a family lawyer?

How do I choose a family lawyer?

Is it the right time for legal advice?

How do I hire a lawyer?

Will you take my case?

Does every case require a consultation?

Do I need a therapist or an attorney?

Can you force my ex, or soon-to-be-ex, to pay my legal fees?

Can you also help me with an associated criminal case?

How do you communicate with your clients?

Author: Jill Chancey