Are your current custody arrangements not working for you or your children?  Are there constant battles and friction over days, dates, exchanges, and holidays?  You may want to see us about modifying your custody order.  

There are several ways to modify your current custody orders: 

• If you and your co-parent are in complete agreement as to the changes, you can have an attorney draft the agreement, both parties will sign, and the attorney can file it with the court. 
• If you and your co-parent or more or less in agreement, but not 100%, you can each hire an attorney to negotiate the details, and then one of them will file it with the court.
• The third way is to take your co-parent to court by a motion to modify your orders and ask the judge to decide what your new court order will be.  

In all three circumstances, the judge will only sign off on an agreement if it complies with the law, which is why it’s best to have an attorney’s assistance. 

Although there is room for variation in visitation schedules based on whether both parties agree, the only way to have a permanent order changing custody, visitation, or child support is to file it with the court. 

What do I need to do? 

• Study your current order carefully. Are you complying with it?  Is your co-parent complying?  Is the court order working for your family’s needs as they are today?  Sometimes a ten-year-old custody order is no longer feasible for your family.  Many custody orders allow parents to vary the schedule if they are both in agreement with every change.  This is great for minor day-to-day variants, but a major, regular schedule change is best put in writing and confirmed by the court.  If your ex is not in compliance, this may be the time to file a motion for contempt, rather than a modification.  Your attorney can help you determine the best course of action.  
• If you only have a verbal custody agreement, and it works for you, that’s fine. You aren’t required to have a court order.  However, sometimes verbal agreements work for a while, and then will break down if one parent decides they want to make a change and the other doesn’t like it.  We can help you formally codify a custody plan.  We find a lot of people with verbal agreements will benefit from going to court and having paternity legally confirmed, a visitation schedule in place, and an equitable child support order.    
• Think about what specifically needs to change for your co-parenting to work. Why do you want to change?  Is there a specific event or reason for wanting to change?  Is there a problem with the visitation schedule?  Do you need to amend the holiday or summer visits?  What are you expecting the end result to be?  It’s good to be clear about what end result you want as you begin looking for an attorney.
• Do you think your co-parent will be okay with the changes you want?  Discuss this with them and see if they’ll be on board.  This primarily works in a low-conflict co-parenting relationship.  It may not be worth it if they are high-conflict, vindictive, or otherwise difficult to deal with. However, a few calm and thoughtful problem-solving conversations may yield an arrangement you can both live with.
• As you begin the process, discuss it with your child in an age-appropriate manner.  You don’t need their permission, but you also don’t want to spring a sudden life change on a child. Let them know that things may be changing in the near future.  Give them space to have an opinion about that.  Revisit the issue from time to time through the process and help them prepare.  They may be scared of change – lots of people of all ages don’t like change – so help them with any anxiety they may have.  Do not question them or give them the impression that they get to choose where they live because that is not the law in Alabama. 
• Remember that the judge will consider what is best for your child or children, not necessarily what will make both adults happier.  You may want to move across the country to take an amazing job or be closer to your family, but the judge will consider the impact this will have on the child’s relationship with both parents.  There are relocation instructions in custody orders.  Be sure to read those closely and comply with the requirements of the law.  
• If you want to change because your co-parent isn’t meeting his or her obligations, or making the exchange process difficult, you’ll need to document that.  Keep a log or calendar of visits.  Screenshot any texts that could serve as evidence.  For example, your court order may state that a parent must give 48 hours’ notice that they will exercise weekend visitation, and they’re being disagreeable about that.  Or there’s no such order, but their last-minute changes and requests are adding stress and complications to your child’s life.  In that case, you may want a court order requiring advance notice.  

What are some reasons to modify custody?  

• You’ve had a significant job or life change that gives you more time to spend with your child than you once had. 
• You want to move farther away than your custody order allows for. Judges do allow it sometimes, but you’ll need to make a good case for the move. An attorney can advise you on the possibility of success.  You may find that you need to decide to stay put while your children are still minors.   
• Your child has become deeply involved in an extracurricular activity that doesn’t work with the current schedule.  We find that summer sports and various camps, such as theater camp or summer camp, can conflict with the summer visitation that was put in place when they were very young. 
• Your child may be old enough to want to take on a job, and the other parent isn’t willing to work around that.  
• Your co-parenting relationship has become volatile or high-conflict and the exchange process has become difficult and stressful.  Sometimes judges will order monitored exchanges in these circumstances. 

For the following circumstances, you’ll need to have solid evidence to support your allegations. Again, an attorney can advise you on what actions to take if you are dealing with these issues.  

• Your co-parent has developed a drug or alcohol addiction and your children are unsafe with them.  A solution might be supervised visitation, no more overnight visits, or Soberlink (regular alcohol tests during visitation).  The judge may order that visitation be supervised by a trusted family member or an organization like The Family Center here in Mobile.  
• Your co-parent has a new partner that you believe is unsafe for your children.  Some custody orders state that the co-parent cannot have their unmarried partner spend the night in the same house as the children.  Even if not, your children are entitled to be safe in both of their homes.  Foster a parent-child relationship in which your child feels safe to talk to you about this kind of thing, but do not interrogate them about your ex’s new partner.  

Finally…

Make sure that the well-being of your children is at the forefront of your decision-making. If your problem-solving hasn’t yielded good results and you’re ready to make a change, it’s time to move forward.  If you want to discuss any of these issues with an attorney, we are ready to advise you.  You can call the office at 251-432-7909 or click here to request a consultation.

Author: Jill Chancey

Jill Chancey is a New Orleans native who has called Mobile home since 2019.  She attended Trinity University in San Antonio, majoring in Art History and English.  She also has an MA and a PhD in Art History.  After earning a certificate in Paralegal Studies, she pivoted to the legal profession after several decades as an art historian.  In her free time she enjoys science fiction, art museums, and collecting and reselling vintage design.