Domestic violence affects individuals and families in every community, regardless of age, income, education, or background. While many people associate domestic violence with physical abuse, the reality is far more complex. Abuse often begins subtly, escalates over time, and can have devastating effects on victims and their children.

Attorney Alison Herlihy, founder of Herlihy Family Law, has spent years helping clients navigate the legal challenges that often accompany abusive relationships, including divorce, custody disputes, and protection orders. Her work frequently intersects with issues of domestic violence, making advocacy and education an important part of serving families throughout Alabama.

Joining this important conversation is Joan Duncan, a longtime advocate with Penelope House in Mobile, Alabama. With more than two decades of experience supporting survivors of domestic violence, Duncan has dedicated her career to helping individuals and families find safety, rebuild their lives, and break cycles of abuse.

Domestic Violence Is More Than Physical Abuse

One of the most common misconceptions about domestic violence is that it only involves physical violence. In reality, abuse can take many forms, including:

• Emotional and verbal abuse
• Financial abuse
• Sexual abuse
• Psychological manipulation
• Isolation from friends and family
• Threats and intimidation
• Controlling behaviors

Many abusive relationships begin with criticism, insults, manipulation, and efforts to undermine a person’s confidence. Over time, these behaviors can make victims question their judgment, lose confidence in themselves, and become increasingly dependent on their abuser.

Financial abuse is particularly damaging because it can prevent someone from leaving a dangerous situation. Abusers may restrict access to money, prevent a partner from working, control bank accounts, or create financial dependency that makes escape seem impossible.

Early Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship

Abusive relationships often develop gradually. What initially appears to be affection or concern can evolve into controlling behavior.

Some warning signs include:

• Excessive jealousy
• Attempts to isolate someone from friends and family
• Monitoring whereabouts or communications
• Constant criticism or insults
• Pressuring a partner to give up hobbies, interests, or relationships
• Controlling decisions about finances, work, or daily activities
• Making a partner feel guilty for maintaining outside relationships

Isolation is especially concerning because it removes the support systems victims often need when they decide to seek help.

Why Leaving Can Be So Difficult

Many people wonder why someone stays in an abusive relationship. The answer is rarely simple.

Victims often face significant barriers, including:

Fear for Their Safety

Abusers frequently use threats to maintain control. Victims may fear harm to themselves, their children, family members, or even pets if they attempt to leave.

Financial Dependence

When someone has limited access to money, employment, transportation, or housing, leaving can feel overwhelming and unrealistic.

Emotional Manipulation

Years of verbal abuse and psychological control can erode a person’s self-confidence and create deep self-doubt.

Lack of Support

When an abuser isolates a victim from family and friends, the victim may feel they have nowhere to turn for help.

These barriers help explain why leaving is often a process rather than a single event.

The Impact on Children

Children do not have to be the direct targets of abuse to suffer its effects.

Research consistently shows that children exposed to domestic violence are at greater risk for:

• Anxiety and depression
• Post-traumatic stress symptoms
• Academic difficulties
• Behavioral challenges
• Substance abuse later in life
• Future involvement in unhealthy relationships

Children learn from the environments in which they grow up. Exposure to violence and controlling behavior can shape how they view relationships, conflict, and self-worth.

Breaking the cycle of abuse often begins with protecting children and teaching them that healthy relationships are built on respect, safety, and trust.

Creating a Safety Plan

For individuals experiencing abuse, safety should always be the first priority.

A safety plan may include:

• Identifying safe places to go during an emergency
• Gathering important documents
• Creating a list of emergency contacts
• Establishing a code word with trusted friends or family
• Setting aside emergency funds if possible
• Documenting incidents of abuse
• Contacting local resources for guidance and support

Careful planning can make a significant difference when someone is preparing to leave a dangerous situation.

How Penelope House Helps Survivors

For nearly five decades, Penelope House has provided life-saving services to survivors of domestic violence throughout southwest Alabama.

Their services include:

• 24-hour crisis intervention
• Emergency shelter
• Safety planning
• Outreach services
• Support groups
• Children’s programs
• Court advocacy
• Case management
• Transitional housing assistance
• Prevention education

These resources help survivors move from crisis to stability while providing the support needed to build independent, safe futures.

Supporting Someone You Suspect Is Being Abused

Friends, family members, coworkers, and neighbors can play an important role in helping someone experiencing abuse.

Helpful approaches include:

• Listening without judgment
• Expressing concern and support
• Avoiding criticism or blame
• Encouraging professional assistance
• Maintaining contact and connection
• Respecting the victim’s decisions while continuing to offer support

One of the most powerful messages a survivor can hear is that they are not alone and that the abuse is not their fault.

Breaking the Cycle Through Education

Education remains one of the most effective tools for preventing domestic violence. By teaching children and adults about healthy relationships, warning signs of abuse, consent, and personal safety, communities can help reduce future violence and empower individuals to seek help earlier.

Open conversations about domestic violence reduce stigma, increase awareness, and connect people with the resources they need before situations become life-threatening.

Help Is Available

No one deserves to live in fear. Every person deserves safety, dignity, and respect in their relationships.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, support is available. Contact Penelope House’s 24-hour Crisis Hotline at 251-342-8994 for confidential assistance and safety planning.

To learn more about family law matters involving domestic violence, custody, divorce, and protection orders, visit herlihyfamilylaw.com.

To learn more about Penelope House, its services, volunteer opportunities, and ways to support survivors, visit https://penelopehouse.org/.

For additional insights on family law, domestic violence awareness, and resources available to Alabama families, be sure to listen to the Herlihy Family Law Podcast.